JARED STERN'S ONLINE COMEDY CUBICLE

Thanks to everyone who voted in the Washington City Paper Best Of DC 2026 Reader’s Poll. My ego can sleep peacefully for another couple weeks. This prize will earn a place of honor on my fridge. You guys also made your voices heard in the Best Local Podcast category, giving the crown to Between Two Sterns for the second year in a row.

That’s four in a row, so let’s all just agree that’s enough. There are SO MANY OTHER more deserving comics for this. I’d be happy to make a Top 25 list in this town.

I only hope you put your money where your votes are and check me out at a venue near you so I can properly express how humble I am about these things.

It’s that time again, where I walk the tightrope of self-delusion and self-deprecation to ask you to declare your digital endorsement my ridiculous city-wide antics. We already pulled off the hat trick and now, we’re going for a dynastic four in a row.

I am by no means worthy of this accolade. There are plenty better comics in the DC area who could use the rub. As my friend, the late, great Erik Myers used to joke, hunting isn’t a sport because the other team doesn’t know they’re playing.

So, if you feel inclined to keep the streak alive, vote for Jared Stern as Best Comedian in DC. And while you’re there, vote for Between Two Sterns as Best Local Podcast. Thanks for humoring me.

Get out your comedy calendars and circle these dates in fat red sharpie:

3/28: I’m headlining one of my favorite clubs, Church of Satire in Hanover, PA! It’s where I recorded my last album and they always make me feel like a big deal.

4/2: You can check me out as part of the killer line-up pictured above at the Tally Ho Theater in Leesburg, VA. Everyone on this show is a stone cold killer, and seeing us all together on one show is something you might only get a chance to do once. I’m not just blowing smoke. The talent on this show is immense.

4/17 & 18: I’m headlining one of the clubs that helped me get my start on the road, Cozzy’s in Newport News, VA. It’s like if Cheers was a comedy club.

4/19: I’m headlining one of my favorite spots, the Frederick institution, The Cellar Door. Always a great time. This show will be up against WrestleMania, but we can smack a heckler with a steel chair, if that’s what you’re into.

A couple more big dates to add to your comedy calendars (if you happen to live near Greensboro, NC or Bloomington, IN):

Nov. 22nd, I’m back headlining the Idiot Box in Greensboro, NC! I had a great time at the North Carolina Comedy Fest in September and I can’t wait to get back there to bask in the laughs.

Dec. 5th & 6th, I’m schlepping out to the Comedy Attic in Bloomington, IN for four shows with one of my comedy heroes, Emo Philips! If you’ve never experienced the odd brilliance of Emo, do yourself a favor and check out a show.

Think of it as comedy tourism. See you there… or there.

I’ve got some fun comedy trips coming up in September, and if you live in or around Greensboro, NC or Georgetown, MA, then you can get in on the fun!

I’m heading back to the North Carolina Comedy Festival for a couple of shows and to connect with like-minded mirth makers from around the country. It all goes down at the Idiot Box, from 9/11-14. I’ll be performing on Friday (7pm) & Sunday (11:30am), but every show will be stacked with hilarious comics. Do yourself a favor and check it out. And if you can’t make it to Greensboro, the whole thing is being streamed on Twitch!

Then, on 9/27, I head up to Georgetown, MA to headline a show at a goat farm. I’ll be kidding around at Goats To Go. There will be goats and alpacas frolicking among the audience, so come watch as I get heckled by adorable farm animals.

I’ve got a couple big weekends coming up:

August 8th & 9th, I’m back headlining the Dickens Parlour Theatre in Delaware! That was tons of fun back in February, and I can’t wait to see what it’s like in-season.

August 22nd & 23rd, I’m headlining Give A Hoot Comedy Club in Gaithersburg! It’s my first chance to headline a local club and I’m gonna need my in-town people to show up for this. All my friends who live out that way, PICK A NIGHT and let’s make this a party.

Thanks to everyone who voted in the Washington City Paper Best Of DC 2025 Reader’s Poll. You guys know how to make a guy feel perpetually special. My unique blend of egotism and neurotic self-doubt won’t let me truly accept the mantle, but I won’t turn it down either. That’s three in a row now, so I can’t deny the trend.

You guys also made your voices heard in the Best Local Podcaster category, giving the crown to Between Two Sterns. So, put your money where your votes are and check me out at a venue near you as I attempt to summit your lofty expectations.

If you haven’t already, BUY MY NEW BOOK: Seventeen Hundred Esoteric Syllables About Yo Mama! One hundred Yo Mama jokes in Haiku form. I’m extremely proud of this very silly thing that my co-author and I created. It’s fun for the whole family, but mostly for yo mama. Please give it 5 stars, then 7 stars, then 5 more stars.

It’s that time again, where I walk the tightrope of self-delusion and self-deprecation to beseech you to validate my ridiculous city-wide antics. This year, we’re going for three in a row. Hey, nothing much matters anymore, so why not take part in an election that might bring one particular person a fleeting moment of joy. So, if you would, Vote for Jared Stern as Best Comedian in DC. I’ll be firm, but fair.