Hey hey ‘Redheads… Well, Blogust is just about over. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed doing it…to you. Three things I wanted to hit on real quick, then I’ll let you go about your day. September is barreling toward us and with it comes the sweet arrival of the three greatest initials in sports: NFL. Soon, the oblong hole in my soul will once again be plugged with pigskin…real and fantasy. I had my first fantasy draft (of 4) for the league of comedy people that I’m in (with locals Mike Shader and Kelly Terranova)…defending Super Bowl champ…just saying is all. I had an ok draft…I missed out on Reggie Bush because I wasn’t looking at the right part of the draft board…here’s my starting line-up for 2008…Shit’s Crazy:

QB: Tom Brady
WR: Plaxico Burress
WR: Laverneous Coles
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew
RB: Selvin Young
TE: Jeremy Shockey
K: Robbie Gould
D/ST: Jaguars

I also took a flier on rookie WR DeSean Jackson, who’ll hopefully be a deep threat for Philly. I’ve got three more drafts in the next couple days. Hopefully, I can once again latch on to Tom Brady’s coat-tails and water ski to victory. Let the fake games begin.

I’m worried about the YouTube viewing habits of you guys and gals. You are ignoring well written genuinely funny material in favor of trainwreck-spotting. I offer exhibit A. This great sketch that Chris White and I did has 63 views…

(by the way, I’m available to ominously voice weddings and bar mitzvahs)

Meanwhile, this dreck has 25,385 views…

C’mon, people… I admit schadenfreude is fun for the whole family, but start giving non-crotch-shot video a chance, eh? Sheesh.

This weekend begins four straight of getting laughed at by people. I’ll be kicking off this micro-tour at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. If you’re up that way, come check out that show…we’ll hang.

I’d like to close with this: If you pay money to see Disaster Movie this weekend, we can’t be friends anymore. Demand better, people.

To be continued…

Title Pending

Hey there, ‘RedheadsBlogust continues to roll merrily along. Hello to all of you Meritt Scholars who’ve peeked in on the blog since Jimmy arbitrarily put me in charge of…something. Welcome all…that should bump the readership up by about two people. A couple random things to fill space with. I’m remembering why I can’t stand summer. Insects. I’m slowly being eaten alive. My pasty calves are an all-you-can-eat bug buffet. I’m more mosquito bite now, than man…twisted and evil. My only hope is that one of these things is radioactive so I can get super powers (which would answer the eternal question of “how much more could I suck?”).

How ’bout them ‘lympics, huh? Riveting human drama. I, like many, had an olympic-themed party…I ordered Chinese food and chain smoked with the windows closed. Michael Phelps is essentially Aquaman. He’s breaking world records like plates at a Greek wedding. Those records are tainted, I think. All of these swimmers are wearing these high tech suits that have microscopic dolphins sewn into them. Mark Spitz wore a speedo and a ‘stache that produced more drag than a Bosom Buddies reunion special. I think Phelps should have to wear his medals in the pool to even things out a little. I have also genuinely enjoyed watching the USA basketball team globetrot their way to gold.

I dabble in the internet dating. Plenty of sites out there for whatever odd niche you’re looking to get with. I’d like to add another into the mix for the 80+ crowd.…when you want to have the time of what’s left of your life. It can also cater to impatient necrophiliacs.

Take a stroll down Saturday morning memory lane…

To be continued…

Blogustus Caesar

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Wow, so Blogust is off to a rip-roaring start. Two entries in 10 days…whoo whee. Ok, enough with the half-hearted self-deprecation…it’s my gift…my curse. This has been a crappy weekend for the entertainment industry. We lost Bernie Mac on Saturday, from complications from pneumonia. And this morning, Isaac Hayes died. They found him unconscious and unresponsive next to his treadmill. That’ll keep me out of the gym for another couple months. Since Scientology says that heaven is a fraud built by evil alien psychiatrists from outer space, he’ll probably end up in some cosmic L. Ron Hubbard rough draft. May a flight of sexy alien back-up singers sing thee to thy rest…can ya dig it?

Speaking of death, I figured out a hard and fast rule about digging an on-stage grave…at open mics anyway. You’d think this would be more apparent to me, but it’s all about the presentation. Audiences, non-comic audiences, simply do not know any better and don’t give a rat’s patoot if material is new and untested. If you present it with confidence, odds are you’ll get a more genuine reaction. If you do what I did at Wiseacre’s last week, sabotaged myself by telling the large audience that the material was all new then stammering through it, you’ll probably get met with a couple awkward chuckles. Never let ’em see ya sweat. That’s one to grow on.

The dust has settled from the DC Comedy Fest. I’d like to say the rumbling and grumbling from the collective local comedy scene has stopped, but it’s still as rumbly and grumbly as ever. I’ve only heard second and third hand info about a couple shows, so I won’t cast any extra aspersions. I did, however, take part in the Fest-sanctioned show at Solly’s Tavern on Thursday night. That show was fun and populated with attentive audience members. The line-up was great…I especially got a kick out of the bombastic silliness of Bostonian Sean Crespo and the comedy palsy of local Michael Foody. Crespo reminded me of the guy from PsychFoody looked like the lighting stand-in for Napoleon Dymamite. Fun show. Big ups to Nick Turner and Jay Hastings for wrangling the comics.

Be back soon…

Blogustus Gloop

Hey there ‘Redheads… Welcome to Blogust. Where I once again sacrifice quality for quantity so that you can have more digital fat to chew on. Just a couple nuggets for you.

First, an update from the last installment. I’ll be a part of the Top Shelf festivities on Thursday, the 7th. The comedy marathon starts at 7:00. I’ll be going on somewhere between 9 and 10:30. It’s only $5 for a a massive evening of comedy. You’ll see some of the finest comics in DC and beyond…and I’ll be loitering around those comics. If you can’t make it on Thursday, then come on down for equally impressive line-ups in both talent and scope on Friday and Saturday. It all goes down at Solly’s U St. Tavern, courtesy of the folks at DCComedy4Now. Think of it as the $5 foot-long of comedy…chow down.

When a bird dies, and he goes to birdie heaven, and becomes a birdie angel, does it get arms? This is the kind of crap you get when I’m desperate to fill space.

Bennigan’s is closing. The yard sales in front of those places are going to kick some serious ass. Looking for a trombone, a sled, or an old-timey barber’s pole? When they strip the walls at Bennigan’s, they’ll probably find the Ark of the Covenant. I give you now, the description of one of the deadliest burgers I ever ate at a Bennigan’s…The Wheelhouse…

A juicy, mouth-watering burger topped with a savory fried cheese wheel, fresh parmesan cheese, and zesty marinara sauce.

If you finish it before your heart stops, it’s FREE. Bennigan’s, we hardly knew ye…

To be continued…

Toe Tappin’ Fun

Hey hey, ‘Redheads… July has been a lean month for bloggage. The big Vegas blog in the last installment doesn’t make up for a month of slackitude. Which is why it’s time for another stab at stunt blogging to try to rebuild readership (back to 3). By the time you read this, it’ll be…Blogust. Please, contain yourselves. I wanted to sneak in one last installment before those festivities begin. So, here are a couple quick hits to get the blog rolling…

For those of you rabid ‘Redheads who have been itching to hop in a VW bus and follow me like Phish, I give you my upcoming schedule. Thankfully, the comedy stars have aligned and I’ve strung together enough dates to make it worth your (and my) while…

Blogust 15th @ The Bottle Factory in Salisbury, MD
Blogust 29th & 30th @ The Comedy Zone in Harrisburg, PA
Sept. 5th & 6th @ The Comedy Zone in Greensboro, NC
Sept. 7th @ The Comedy Zone in Fayetteville, NC
Sept. 11th – 13th @ The Baltimore Comedy Factory…guess where.
Sept. 18th – 20th @ The Funny Farm in Youngstown, OH

Slap that on a t-shirt. Then print up a bunch of ’em for me, would ya? That’d be great. You might’ve noticed that the upcoming DC Comedy Fest is not on that calendar. There’ve been some rumblings among the DC comedy community about the make-up of the Fest. I’ve given up on letting contest/festival rejection stick in my craw. I’ve coated my craw in teflon, so the no-thank-yous just slide off now. That being said, a big thanks to the fine chaps at Top Shelf for putting together a slate of shows filled to the brim with all the local talent the DC Comedy Fest left out.

I’d also like to thank them for including me…and for only charging me $34. Hopefully, despite being on the Top Shelf, enough people will be able to reach us… Not sure where on said shelf I am just yet…stay tuned.

Here’s some new ear candy for you to suck on…

Instructions: 1) Click ’em. 2) Rock out.

See ya in Blogust…