Hey there ‘Redheads… Welcome back to Blogtober…being joined in progress, apparently. Kick off your shoes and get comfy. Perhaps you noticed the new title… I figured I’d try to spruce up the joint after three years, clean out the cobwebs, and give this mess a titular kick in the pants (yes, that sentence was just so I could use the word “titular”). I, myself, am fresh as a daisy after getting a year’s worth of sins power washed off my subconscious hull. I spent the day in synagogue for Yom Kippur. Atonement is a work out. Lots of standing up and sitting down…a prayer-master (patent pending), if you will. Anywho, my slate is clean. Time to start filling that sin quota. Speaking of which, I just got back from a particularly soul crushing hand at the poker table in my weekly league. I had 4-8 of clubs in the big blind and the short stack. The flop comes out J-8-3 with two clubs on the board. A couple of minimum bets of 600 come around the table and I call. The turn is an 8, giving me three of a kind with a suspect kicker. The bets jump up to 1200 and I call. The river is a 4, giving me a full house. I go all in. My buddy Seth, sitting next to me, calls, as does another guy. I’m ready to triple up. I giddily announce my boat. To which Seth replies, “Dude,” and turns over J-8. That’s what I refer to as a Jaws hand…I needed a bigger boat. Sorry for the poker lingo…just wanted to share my pain.
Happy Columbus Day to one and all. Anyone else find it mildly ironic that the Redskins got beat the day before Columbus Day? To make it a true tribute, the Rams should’ve renamed FedEx Field “Ramerica”. Or it should’ve been free whiskey and blanket day at the stadium.
Now, I realize that the world is falling apart around us. I get that many of you are looking for an escape from the bleak reality. A bright spot amidst the gloom. But, c’mon people…Beverly Hills Chihuahua?? Number one at the box office for a second week. I guess if you’re looking to put your brain in sleep mode for two hours, while you soak your soul in buttery-like product topping and Mexican stereotypes, then GOOOOAAAALLLLL, look no further. When I want an anthropomorphic dog movie to sooth my jangled nerves, I go a different direction..
Here’s a story that once again reaffirms my faith…
Shark “Virgin Birth” Confirmed
A female blacktip shark in Virginia fertilized her own egg without mating with a male shark, new DNA evidence shows. This is the second time scientists have used DNA testing to verify shark parthenogenesis—the process that allows females of some species to produce offspring without sperm.
…that God is a vicious eating machine. We’re going to need a bigger bible. That’s right, we may have witnessed the birth of Shark Jesus (yes, I resisted the urge to call him Jawsus…give me some credit). He’ll be able to turn water into chum, feed 5000 with just one surfer, and…swim on dry land.
A quick note just in case I completely shirk my blogging duties for the month. On Blogtober 25th, I’ll be part of a showcase in the DC Improv Comedy Lounge with John McBride, Sean Savoy, Roger Mursick, and Erik Myers. Click the link for tix and info. Should be a fun show.
Comedy kudos to fellow wordsmith, Mike Blejer, who is appearing at Off The Wall Comedy Club in Jerusalem on Wednesday. Very cool stuff. Be careful though, Mike. Over there, it’s the hecklers who bomb.
To be continued…