Big Fish

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Welcome back from an eventful weekend. I’m waiting on some pictures so I can fully convey the spirit of adventure…and also so I can pad the blog. In the meantime, I have a quick bit of bloggage for you. Today, I spotted this bumper sticker on my way to work…

Is there a lox lobby I’m not aware of? Now, I did not check to see if the driver was a bear. I can only assume the driver was not a bear because A) bears don’t drive and B) bears do not have the right to vote…they only have the right to bear arms. Whoever they are, the driver does think their vote carries enough weight to sway any major fissue. It’s nice to see there’s a middle ground in the partisan red fish/blue fish world we live in. If you’re voting based on a candidate’s opinions on fish, then I’m curious about your position on Roe vs. Wade. If I had to bet, I’d say they have pretty strong opinions about spawning.

That’s just about all of the political fish puns I can think of.

See you Tuesday.



Hey there ‘Redheads… Wow, two whole entries in Blogtober…this thing is really picking up pile of steam…yep, it sure is a steaming pile. I was hoping to find time to hammer out some fresh bloggage and luckily, my cable went out…so here we are. As of the last installment, the economy was in shambles. The Dow sunk like a turd after a beef dinner. And just to show you that no one is immune to this financial faceplant, I found this story the other day…

Playboy to eliminate 55 jobs in cost-cutting move

Playboy Enterprises Inc disclosed in a Wednesday regulatory filing that upcoming cost-cutting measures will include eliminating 55 jobs at the Chicago publishing and entertainment concern. Playboy also included in the filing a copy of a “Dear Fellow Employees” letter sent out to workers Wednesday, in which Chairman and Chief Executive Christie Hefner said the economy’s deterioration make it “unavoidable that we reduce our cost structure to reflect current economic realities.” Hefner’s letter spells out a number of cost-cutting moves, including consolidating facilities and reducing travel outlays and overtime. “Unfortunately,” she continued, the changes will also mean the elimination of about 80 positions in the company…”

Wow. 80 positions. I hope they hang on to Reverse Cowgirl…that one’s a keeper. You know things are crappy when people can’t even afford to jerk off anymore. These are dark times we live in. Which is why it’s so important to vote. See, this is the kind of public (I said “public”) service announcement that’ll get people to the polls…use one hand to pull the lever, so the other may yank the crank (message pending approval).

I found a couple bits of video that’ve helped me make up my mind. Check out Obama at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation dinner. It’s ten minutes long, but it’s an engaging ten minutes…stick with it…

He crushed. I expected him to drop the mic and walk off stage when he was done. I’m not a big issue guy. When it comes to picking a presidential candidate, I’m like a girl on…sense of humor is, like, sooo important. I think it shows a capability for abstract thought that is important in a leader. Besides, in order to be effective, you have to be, at the very least, charismatic. I have some problems with McCain, which are purely superficial, but that’s how I roll. First, he says “Warshington”. Learn to pronounce it first, then maybe we’ll let you live there. Also, he whistles his esses when he talks…irks the everloving crap out of me. When I close my eyes, Obama sounds presidential…McCain sounds like a cartoon squirrel. And have you seen Cindy McCain? She creeps me right the fuck out. She looks like Goldie Hawn from Death Becomes Her

And don’t get me started on Sarah Palin…

Ok, enough politics. Here’s one thing we can all agree on, Bruce Campbell is a bad ass. He’s got a new flick coming out soon, called My Name Is Bruce. I’ll let the trailer speak for itself…

It’s coming to DC for one night and one night only at the Landmark on E St. on November 15th. Save the date.

Before I go, I must plug the big comedy show at the DC Improv Comedy Lounge on Saturday. Myself, John McBride, Erik Myers, and Joe Robinson will be on stage for your viewing pleasure. The weather is supposed to be wet and miserable, so let a smile be your umbrella and come laugh at us. Click the link for tix and info.

To be continued…

Taxation Representation

Hey there ‘Redheads… Happy St. Patty’s Day to one and all. Here’s hoping the technicolor yawn from your green beer binge is an easy clean-up. I didn’t wear any green today, but I was envious of everyone who did, so my psyche was Irish.

Today’s installment is a call to arms…to fingers, actually. I need to mobilize my legion of loyal readers to the noblest of endeavors. Voting…in a YouTube contest…for me. Yes, the tax jokes I’ve foisted upon you in the last two installments have been performed, recorded, and uploaded. Now, all they need is your blind clickable approval. Here’s how the finished product turned out…

Yes, I’m a shill. I’m over it. Here’s the vital voting information you’ll be needing to help make my YouTube dreams come true…

1. Go to
2. Click on VOTE
3. Type “Jared” into the video search
4. Click on my video (it’ll say “laughtrack” next to it)
5. Vote…lots…seriously, tempt carpal tunnel

Fly, my winged monkeys!! Vote like the wind!!

As a reward for your putting up with my antics, I have some cool audio and funny video for you to cram into your various sensory inputs. Here are some kick-ass mash-ups I found in the last couple days…

Sledgehammer & the Cherry Tree
Mash Me Amadeus
Jenny’s Superstitious
Funky Goes To Hollywood

There you go. Music to vote by. Also, I got this video from my buddy Christian aka Skinnen Bones MC. For the last 8 months, Christian has been working at an American theme park in South Korea. Here’s the email I got from him last week…

Hi everyone, I’ve had a blast living in South Korea the last eight months. My budddies and I just shot a music video for a song we wrote and recorded called “Kickin’ it in Geumchon.” Geumchon is a small city 15 minutes from where we live. Check out the video to see what our life in Korea is like. Hope you’re well.

I’m Jared Stern and I approve this message.

To be continued…