Category: Super Bowl

Snow Means Snow…

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in Avatar, Baltimore Comedy Factory, comedy, Cozzy's, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, snow, Super Bowl

Hey there ‘Redheads… Remember, in the last installment, when I told everyone to just get a hold of yourselves, and not give the impending snow an imposing name because it would only serve in blowing everything out of proportion? Well, upon further review… RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Ok, nature, we get it. Enough with the cold fluffy death from above. I wasn’t in town for the brunt of it, but I was watching the Georgetown game on ESPN and they kept showing exterior shots of the Verizon Center. 30+ inches in some places. You know it’s a lot of snow when it’s not safe to let midgets roam free. And now, we need to brace ourselves for potentially 20 inches or more. If this next storm maxes out, snowplows aren’t going to cut it. We’re going to need AT-ATs. When nature flexes it’s muscle, why fight it? I think it’s a great chance to appreciate the beauty behind the brute force. This morning I saw where the weight of the snow had brought down a tree on top of a speed camera. Now that’s fuckin‘ beautiful. Clock that, you asshole.

Like I mentioned, I was able to skip town before the area got completely frost bitten. I made it down I-95 to one of my favorite comedy clubs, Cozzy’s in Newport News, VA. I wasn’t able to escape the weather entirely. We got torrential rain, which turned to snow, which turned to ice. No major accumulations, but just enough to make residents lose their minds. In order to keep from going completely stir crazy in my room that didn’t have a functional remote control, I ventured out to the local multiplex. The only thing that was starting when I showed up was Avatar. I wasn’t keen on seeing it, but any port in a storm. I had heard all the reviews… 3-D visuals with a 2-D story. I’ll admit it. The 3-D was pretty cool. A pinata from which an endless stream of eye candy spilled. I’m pretty sure I got eyeabetes. My left eye was a bleary bloodshot mess after mainlining nearly 3 hours of smurftastic special effects. It was not ungood…

Not Cameron’s best, by a long shot, but it will change the way you watch movies…they’ll be more expensive now.

Once the weekend fun was done, I had to make the trek back home. I was moving at a pretty brisk clip, until I reached the rain/snow line near Fredricksburg. I-95 was a caked on mess. It was so pock marked with potholes, you’d think it had been renamed Edward James Olmos highway. The last 40 miles of my trip took roughly 2 hours, but I made it home to find a parking space carved out and my power and heat running. Not only that, but I got home in time to warm my cockles by watching my Terps beat the tar out of North Carolina. Coupled with a great win for the Caps, that would normally be a great sports weekend, but there was still the Super Bowl left to play. I enjoyed the game. It was close, there were some great signature plays, and the Colts lost, so I was happy… The one thing that irked me was the combined point total, and that it wasn’t higher than the age of the band playing halftime. Seriously, The Who have been around longer than the Super Bowl. The ads were ok. Nothing really stood out among the talking babies and the screaming chickens.

After you dig out of the snowverkill, come dig me in Charm City this weekend…Print out this coupon and drinks are on the house…Bask in the warm glow of mild amusement.

To be continued…

Blogural

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in Ball, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, inauguration, Super Bowl, We Are One

Hey there ‘Redheads… Sorry for the delay, but I’ve been either busy, sick, or a combination thereof in the last week or so. Lucky for you, but crappy for me, I got frozen out of my gig at Tagline’s tonight. Let’s catch up then, shall we? It’s been a week since all of the inaugural hoopla turned the streets of DC into the streets of NY. The sidewalks were crammed with people, and you couldn’t walk five feet without some run-down schmuck trying to sell you a commemorative Obama keychain, or bobblehead, or shamwow. I saw Obama’s face bedazzled on blankets, ironed on to cheap t-shirts, and printed on comic book covers. Less popular was the Obama face-painting…that was a bit awkward. I saw one guy selling programs. Who needs to see Hillary Clinton’s stat line? If you need a program to follow along with this, then maybe you should just let history pass you by. I did not get swept up in the need to be there for the historic moment or the historic concert that preceded it.

It was a pretty cool concert, but if I’m going to watch it on a big screen tv, I’ll do it indoors. It turns out that a couple friends of mine were in the choir that was backing up Springsteen…pretty cool. A couple small gripes about the production. I get the reverence for the history, but can you spiff up the presentation a bit? Every celebrity out there pretty much droned, “And Kennedy said… And then Lincoln said… And Roosevelt said…” You have all of these actors and comedians up there…let ’em emote, for cryin‘ out loud. Otherwise, why should I give a crap what Steve Carell and Kal Penn have to say? Also, did anyone tell Joe Biden that he had a mic? He yelled his speech at the crowd like he was giving directions to a foreign tourist. The musical numbers were overall entertaining, reaching their surreal peak when Garth Brooks sang “Shout”. You can’t fly in Otis Day and the Knights for that gig? I would’ve paid to see Obama stand up and yell, “Otis! My man!” I was also a little fuzzy on the message of the concert…We Are One…so, resistance is futile?

I’m a dork. Sue me.

So, I didn’t get swept up in the mess of the inauguration, but I did go to a ball the night before. I went to the Black Tie & Boots Ball that was held by the Texas State Society. It was an intimate gathering. 12,000 people all glammed up at the National Harbor…pretty swanky. With a crowd that large at a party put on by Texas, herding was a common theme for the night. We got corralled through security, to the coat check line, then we were tagged and roamed free through the revelry. The party was something to behold. Imagine if George W. Bush had a Bar Mitzvah. There were 7 different ballrooms, each with a band…and open bars…God bless America. As far as music, they had both kinds, country and western. Luckily, the dance floors were a bit too crammed for anyone in my group to boot scoot boogie. Here are some recon photos from the evening…




A fun time for sure. Although, we didn’t spot any celebrities through the drunken masses.

So, it’s a week after being drunk with hope and now we’re waking up next to Lady Liberty and she’s looking rough. Last Tuesday, she was Heidi Klum, now she’s Dame Edna. Here’s hoping the new boss can get things turned around.

The SuperBowl is fast approaching. The Cardinals are in. When did the commissioner of the NFL become Rod Serling? At the start of the season, if you put ten dollars on the Cardinals to make the SuperBowl, you’d win enough to buy the damn team. Also congrats to the Steelers and their coach Omar Epps for making the big dance.

For those of you who’re back on the Jack Bauer bandwagon, like I am. Let me call it right now, so I can revel in it later. RoboCop is coming back. Bank on it.

To be continued…