Hey there ‘Redheads… I managed to will myself out of my Thanksgiving food coma to shoehorn one last blog into these waning minutes of November. I hope everyone had a gullet-stuffing Turkey Day. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone…
I was a little disappointed in my overall Thanksgiving consumption. I didn’t pace myself and I filled up too quick. Maybe I overdid it on spinach & artichoke dip while taking in the slate of football. Hindsight is 20/20, even though my field of vision started narrowing as the meal went on. When it was time to head home, I had to punch an extra notch in my seat belt. The only door buster deals for me were the ones I tried to wedge myself through. If I hadn’t pushed away from the table, and maybe gone after another helping of pie, the medics would’ve needed to knock out a wall to get me. Meals like that are the reason I don’t own a scale…or a Wii Fit. Wii Fit is an amazing little device, though. I hopped on one at a friend’s house, and it was able to analyze my level of physical fitness, then it went online and called the paramedics. It also makes recommendations about different foods to eat. I think it told me not to buy any green bananas.
I’ve also been gorging myself on an unhealthy amount of cinematic mayhem as well. Over the weekend, I caught 2012 and Ninja Assassin. My expectations were low to middling for both, thus allowing me to be pleasantly surprised. When I first saw the ads for 2012, I figured it was going to just be an fragile candy shell of CGI destruction with no real velvety nougat to hold things together. The scenes of global annihilation are very well done. I’m pretty sure this was given away in the previews, but a tsunami dumps an aircraft carrier onto the White House. You also get to see California slide into the Pacific and Woody Harrelson get carbonized by a volcano erupting out of Yellowstone National Park. All of this on it’s own would be pretty ho-hum, but leave it to the unassuming John Cusack and his plucky family unit to find a compelling way to survive. It was also nice to see that Oliver Platt found work. I’m pretty sure the Mayans predicted that, too.
Now, if you like your mass killing a little more up close and personal, then might I recommend Ninja Assassin. This movie isn’t just a bloodbath, it’s a blood jacuzzi. It’s a classic tale of bloody betrayal, bloody revenge, and the resulting bloody stumps. This is the latest offering from the Wachowski brothers, who produced the flick. It does have some cool Martixy imprints on it. Their patented bullet-time effect is translated to ninja shurikens that rain death from the shadows, turning their targets to quivering piles of slurry. My only complaint, was that since ninjas operate mostly in the dark, some of the action was tough to keep track of. But there’s so damn much action going on that you’ll find a blood geyser no matter where you look. It’s got everything you want from this kind of flick: ninjas and a renegade bad ass former ninja that kills the previously mentioned ninjas with various pointy objects.
The one movie that looks like it’s going to be a giant load of crap, is Avatar. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some James Cameron. Aliens and Termintaor 2 are two of the greatest pieces of sci-fi action ever made. This just looks like it’s going to be an over-bloated, over-preachy piece of 3-D garbage. Don’t think that putting Sigourney Weaver and cheap imitation space marines in there will fool anybody, Mr. Cameron. Don’t be like Lucas and cheapen the dork memories we cherish with weak story-telling propped up by not-so-special effects. Stan Winston would not be pleased.
Ok, enough with the geek rant. Sorry about that.
That’s all for now. The balcony is closed.