Tuesday Random Crap

Hey there, ‘Redheads… We’ve made it to Tuesday. I’ve been pretty quiet about the world falling to pieces around us over the last couple of weeks, mostly because I’m not terribly well informed and I’ve been too preoccupied to make stuff up. But the Tsunami Roll I got from Harris Teeter tonight got me thinking about the disaster in Japan and the pineapple I ate got me thinking about the situation in Libya. Gadhafi’s going to be really pissed when he finds out the bombs he bought are made out of pinball machine parts. To be fair, if I were him, I’d be ticked off too. Have you seen pictures of him? His face looks like a paper mache art project I made in 5th grade art class…Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and Edward James Olmos look at him and say, “There but for the grace of God go I.” All I’m saying is, I can understand why he might be on a short fuse. Now, the US is leading the charge into yet another middle eastern country to take down another evil doer. Don’t we employ a team of ninjas or SEALs or the A-Team or G.I. Joe or the goddamn Wonder Twins for stuff like this? There’s gotta be an app for that. It’ll probably cost millions of dollars to uproot this guy with a standard military operation. Put one million on the table and offer it up to the first assassin who can do a halfway decent Chuck Norris impression and it’ll save time, lives, and money. No disintegrations. Better yet, why not send a robot? Like Blinky…

The moral of the story: Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

See you Wednesday.

Alone Time

Hey there, ‘Redheads… This installment of the blog may be more of a rambling mess than usual. My girlfriend is gone on a business trip to sunny San Diego and I’ve been left to my own devices. One device in particular, my Sega Dreamcast, has been occupying the bulk of my time since I got home from work. And I wasn’t even playing a game from when Dreamcast was new. I was frying my eyeballs playing Shining Force, which originally came out when I graduated high school. Still holds up. Since I don’t have to divide my attention between it and her, I decided to plug in and make up for a couple days of neglect. She gets flowers, it gets its buttons mashed. Games like that eat time and in that time, you forget to eat. Want a great diet plan? Get invested in a turn based RPG. Your eyes will be a little sunken, and your complexion might get a little pallid, but the rapid eye movement really burns the calories. In the blink of a bloodshot eye, three hours were gone. It was only because I set an alarm that I realized that I needed to get typing to make my arbitrary deadline. Anywho, I’m done interacting with the imaginary forces of good and evil and I’m ready to interact with you, my imaginary readers.

Happy 93rd Birthday to legendary television voice, Don Pardo. He’s been the voice behind countless TV programs and gameshows, including Saturday Night Live, which he continues to do even in his 90’s. Here’s a fun trivia question for you. Don Pardo is one of only two people to have a lifetime contract with NBC. Can you name the other person? If you answer it correctly, Mr Pardo would tell you that you’ve won a twenty volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a year’s supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. But that’s not all!

The State Department has issued a travel warning for Libya. Great, now Spring Break is ruined. Do you really have to tell people not to go to Libya? Maybe there is some hidden exotic destination somewhere over there, but even if you get a great rate from Travelocity, I’m pretty sure most people will be able to pass on the deal. If you have your bags packed and have your Southwest boarding pass tucked in your jacket pocket and it takes a State Department travel advisory to tell you it might be a bad idea to check out Six Flags Over Tripoli, they should just stamp your passport with a big red DUMBASS. Just sayin‘ is all.

See you Wednesday…