Hey there, ‘Redheads… This one is just to keep the streak alive. Not sure what’s going to fill the space, but I’ll come up with something. I’m typing this from the third floor and heat rises. I’d like to think it’s just the heat and not that I’m horribly out of shape that’s making me break a sweat while I type. Speaking of being a sweaty tub of goo, I stepped on a scale for the first time in awhile and I saw a one in the hundreds place. That gypsy curse is starting to pay off. Looks like having three flights of stairs in my house is having a positive effect. I can’t lose too much weight, though. If I start looking svelt, I lose five good minutes worth of fat jokes. It’s a delicate balance I’m trying to maintain. I want to be in shape, but my self-deprecation needs to be believable. As my buddy Jerry Thomas always says, “Verisimilitude.”

Tomorrow, I’m going to be reminded of how old I am too. I’m going to the 15th anniversary show of Sketchup, UMD’s sketch comedy group that I was a founding member of back in 1996. What’s really going to make me feel ancient is the after party. Nothing makes 35 feel like 70 like attending a college kegger. I’ll have a full recap at some point. I hit the road for a gig in Warwick, Rhode Island on Friday, so my blogging schedule will be all screwed up.

‘Til then. See you Thursday.

Friday Round Up

Hey there, ‘Redheads… For all of you who were working for the weekend, congratulations, you’ve arrived. I just got back from a show at my alma mater, the University of Maryland, to judge a preliminary round of the District’s Funniest College competition and tell jokes to the disaffected youth. Not only was the audience packed, but all of the fifteen contestants acquitted themselves nicely. Go Terps. Afterwards, I got to talking to a couple current members of the sketch comedy group I helped found, Sketchup. They’ll be having their 15th anniversary show in April. I feel proud and old at the same time.

Apparently, Charlie Sheen has gone Busey on us. If you haven’t heard his radio rant from yesterday, he referred to himself as a “Vatican assassin warlock.” If that’s not the next movie on SyFy Channel, I’ll be sorely disappointed. He can fight Sharktopus. He rambled for about twenty minutes about how he’s healed himself with his mind and how he’s unappreciated for polishing turds into comedy gold. Do yourself a favor and give it a listen. It makes Mel Gibson sound like Frasier Crane. Now CBS has halted production on Two and a Half Men and everyone is worried what will become of one of the highest rated sitcoms on TV. I have a simple solution for them. Something that has worked for shows like Happy Days and Married with Children. Two words: Ted McGinley. He’s plug and play. Give him a call. I bet his schedule is wide open.

The Oscars are Sunday and the only thing I’m really looking forward to is the In Memoriam segment. I’ve only seen two of the flicks that are up for Best Picture, Inception and The Fighter. All I know is, Inception was one of the most satisfying movie going experiences I’ve had in about five years. It was original and well made. Right now, my opinion of the movie industry isn’t great. So many remakes and reboots and regurgitated crap in 3-D. There are plans in the works to remake Fletch, Highlander, and to reboot Spider-man and Superman. Hollywood, reboot thyself. Just re-release the original movies. You’re just trying to mine the nostalgia anyway. Howabout you leave our memories alone and go make some new ones, huh? By the way, if you pay money to see Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son, we can’t be friends anymore. Just putting that out there.

See you Monday.

Great Expectorations

Hey there ‘Redheads… Greetings from inside a NyQuil-induced haze. Oy vey, these last couple days have stunk out loud. I’ve been a sniffly, sneezing, coughing basketcase. I’m currently enjoying a particularly long streak of breaths without my lungs seizing up, so I wanted to sneak in one last blog before February finally fritters away. A couple quick things to hit before a chorus of codine-winged angels sing me softly to sleep.

Big thanks to the DC Improv for having me judge the UMD round of their District’s Funniest College contest. It was nice to see my alma mater bare its comedic chops, clamp down on a packed house, and rip it apart. The comedy scene on the campus has evolved since I was asked to leave. When I first got there as a freshman, there was only one comedy outlet on campus, the resident improv troupe, Erasable Inc. After a couple years of trying and failing to join their ranks, a group of disgruntled cast-offs (myself included) formed a new comedy group, the sketch comedy group, Sketchup. Well, that same circle of bitter jealousy has spawned a new group that was tired of being kicked around, The Bureau…which in turn, pissed off another bunch of upstarts enough to take the collected chips on their shoulders and form another group, called Off The Wall. All of these groups now regularly rumble like the news teams in Anchorman. This new atmosphere of competition has made the wit pool on campus olympic-size. Representatives from each group, and a few folks that I’m sure feel snubbed in some way by them, all rocked the mic…very few awkward lulls in the proceedings. Go Terps. Speaking of which, it’s nice to see the men’s basketball team scrap their way back into the NCAA tourney conversation. The UNC win and hanging tough with Duke has given fans like myself a glimmer of realistic hope this season…keep hope alive. One sweet moment from the Duke game I would like to share. Watch as Duke’s Nolan Smith hits the white brick wall known as Dave Neal…

Keeps getting funnier every time I see it.

By the time most of you read this, I’ll be on the road to a gig in upstate NY at the Lake Ontario Playhouse. If any of you loyal ‘Redheads find yourselves in Sacket’s Harbor, NY this weekend, come check out the show. This is my first real comedy road trip of 2009, so I’m looking forward to being nostalgic about it in the next installment. My apologies if that last sentence ripped a hole in the fabric of time.

Like what you’ve been reading? Care to declare your…like? Oscillate on over to my Facebook fan page and be my fan. Let me into the parking garage of your heart…validate me.

To be continued…