Category: Jeopardy

Hot Hot Hot

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, funny, heat, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Jeopardy, Ken Jennings

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Urp. Excuse me. I am stuffed. I just got done having hipster fish n’ chips: sushi and tater tots. Do yourself a favor, if you ever get to Sticky Rice on H St, order the Bucket of Tots. Food is always better when served in a bucket. That’s sage advice from the Colonel to me to you. I hope everyone is enjoying this sudden onset of beautiful weather in the DC area. Savor it. Drink it in. It’ll probably snow next week. Remember, if you don’t like the weather in DC, wait a minute. There’s a scientific reason why we’re heating up. No, not global warming, silly. The sun is trying to kill us…

A magnitude X2.2 solar flare that occurred on Monday will reach Earth during the late hours of February 17th, with the potential for geomagnetic storms and spectacular views of the aurora borealis, or the northern lights. This latest solar flare happens to be the strongest unleashed by the sun in nearly four years.

Yeah, so enjoy the sixty degree weather, because apparently we’re being preheated. Somebody call Michael Bay, Bruce Willis, and Steven Tyler. They’re the only ones that can save us. The flare could potentially wreak havoc with GPS satellites and electronic devices. Thanks for not letting that havoc keep you from reading the blog, by the way. You guys are real troopers. One thing I’m sure of, somebody’s getting superpowers out of this.

Speaking of things trying to kill us, Watson, IBM’s gameshow murderbot, took the first step toward overthrowing humanity and crushed two of our biggest nerds on Jeopardy. The last three days was just so IBM could show off their vast improvement on the Magic 8-ball. All that was missing was someone putting a top hat on it and having it sing “Puttin‘ on the Ritz.” With defeat imminent, Ken Jennings took it all in stride…I think Ken then challenged Watson to a foot race. Or thumb wrestling. We’re doomed.

But, at least tomorrow is Friday. ‘Til then.

Love is a Many Splendored Blog

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Jeopardy, love, Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, salsa dog, Thin Mints, Valentine's Day, Watson

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Love is in the air, everywhere you look around. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my readers. I hope you all took advantage of the first bona fide beautiful day of 2011 and shared some time with your respective sweeties. And an extra special Valentine’s Day wish for the special gal who puts up with my daily shenanigans. She finds my crass mannerisms cute and adorable, and if this blog was the highest rooftop, I’d be happy to loudly proclaim that I love her. We just got done eating heart shaped ravioli. I’ll give you a moment to grab your insulin. We should celebrate love, while we still have semi-exclusive rights to it. Pretty soon, IBM will find a way to hard wire it into a computer and show it off on The Newlywed Game. I don’t know if you watched Watson, the IBM computer, compete on Jeopardy tonight, but humanity is holding its own so far. Part two of the show airs tomorrow night, and you owe it to the species to root against this infant version of Skynet. When it gets to Final Jeopardy, I’m guessing it’s final wager will be us. Until that day, when our laptops recharge their batteries with our blood, celebrate love.

Love comes in many forms. As I rediscovered over the weekend, love is a Thin Mint. I turned the corner at Eastern Market, and I heard a chorus of angels as the folding table with its crunchy sweet boxes of happiness appeared before me. Sure, the Girl Scouts have jacked up the price another fifty cents, but would you let fifty cents keep you from bliss? I think not. And ignore the serving size they put on there. Four cookies? Pshaw. One sleeve is the recommended serving.

There is also love between a man and his dog, and I’ve never seen that love expressed so purely as it is in this video…

I smell a cross over between Dancing With The Stars and Animal Planet. Just don’t ask me where I smell it.

Today is not only Valentine’s Day, of course. Another big event happened today. The release of Marvel vs. Capcom 3…

I’ve been waiting a long time to mainline this game into my eyeballs. I welcome whatever seizures may come with it. Maybe I was wrong about Watson. Maybe the machines will just use games like this to turn our brains into tapioca pudding. Whatever, I like pudding.

See you Tuesday…