Hey there ‘Redheads… How in the blue hell is it two weeks deep into July already? I’ve been sitting here in front of a blank computer screen for the past two hours trying to angioplasty my way through some wicked writer’s blockage. As per usual, I’m way overdue for an update, so I want to deliver bloggage…something got lost in the translation, apparently. I was gonna write this yesterday, but I had a bit of a head cold and I decided to pop a Zyrtec, which put me in the black sleep of Kali Ma… But, boy howdy, do I have a twenty-piece box of nuggets for you, once I can pry the words from my brainbox. Ok, so let’s stop singing the procrastinational anthem and try to get this blog flume a flowin’.

Big thanks to the fine folks at LOL Comedy Club in Clayton, NC for a great weekend. I had the pleasure of working with Grandma Lee. Our Thursday night show was 24 hours removed from her appearance on America’s Got Talent… 75 years young, and she is a pistol. The clip makes it seem like she just tried comedy on a lark for the show, but she’s a 12 year vet of the stand-up scene. Grandma and I spent our days hitting a couple of the local bbq joints for some pulled pork and sweet tea goodness. Nothing quite like a pile of shredded meat on a plate. We ate lots. I think our favorite place was called Holt Lake. Not only was the food amazing, but their default drink on every table is sweet tea. Water? Pshaw. That’s right, come for the food…stay for the diabetes.

The shows were great, if somewhat lightly attended. I think our last show of the weekend was only witnessed by ten people, making it just shy of a rumor. It was a fun opportunity to get out of my rote and make my material more conversational. It ended up being a nice note to end on. While I was sitting at the bar, I was reading the list of upcoming comics at the club and their little bio blurbs. One of them included the phrase, “No nonsense comedy.” Well, then you’re probably not doing it right. Maybe completely fact-based comedy is the next big thing… Take my wife, for example…

I’m going to make an executive decision to cleave this installment in twain. I have a bunch of 4th of July tidbits to share, including the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, but that deserves a devoted installment to contain all the pomp…and I don’t have it in me to write it all out right now. A couple quick bits of randomness before the cleave…

Yesterday, I heard “How Do You Talk to an Angel” by The Heights on 94.7 FRESH FM, Today’s Fresh Music… Even if it was freeze dried and vacuum sealed, that song is about as fresh as a bowl of tuna salad that got left in a greenhouse.

In the wave of recent celebricide, one important figure has been lost in the shuffle. Our bologna no longer has a first name…

MADISON, Wis. – Oscar G. Mayer, retired chairman of the Wisconsin-based meat processing company that bears his name, has died at the age of 95.

Now THAT is a memorial service I’d like a ticket to…

To be continued…



Hey there ‘Redheads… We’re in the home stretch with Day 25 of Blog-A-Day in May, and I was worried that I wasn’t going to have anything to blog about in this installment. Then something struck me. I went to three BBQs this extended weekend, and there was a baby at all of them…and there was baby news that broke at two of them. That’s a 1 to 1 baby to BBQ ratio. I think it’s grounding to have a baby in close proximity while you’re gorging yourself, because you and the kid share the same baseline thought process. Eat ’til you cry, belch, get sleepy, maybe poop, then repeat step one. I ate myself into a slight stupor, taking breaks only to coat my screaming skin in a thin aloe glaze. All in all, a fun weekend.

As for the baby news, wish a mazel tov in my sister’s general direction. She’s got another bun in the oven…any more buns and she’ll rival the Pillsbury Doughboy. On the plus side, you guys will have some cute baby pictures to coo at by the end of the year. On the minus side, my sister may have to move into a shoe.

I hope you did your part to remember the sacrifices our military men and women have made and continue to make so that we have the freedom to do trivial three-day weekend stuff. Even if it was sitting on your couch watching the NCIS marathon.

See you tomorrow…


Hey there ‘Redheads… It’s Day 24 of Blog-A-Day in May and I am stuffed. Just got back from a BBQ at my buddy Greg’s house. I’m full of beer, bratwurst, burgers, brownies, and ribs…and I smoked my first cigar in about 5 years. Happy on the inside, still in large discomfort on the outside. Most of my friends cringed when they saw my lobster-like appearance. They’re of the opinion that I absorbed enough solar radiation to get super powers. Apparently, I have the ability to wince while sitting, showering, and sleeping.

Since I’m in pain, I figured I’d inflict some. Behold this classic shitburger. In the spirit of the weekend, this one will stick with you for years to come… You’re welcome.

See you Monday.