Hey there, ‘Redheads… Week two of my attempt to mildly amuse on a regular basis is in the books, or the cloud, or whichever ether this mess is stored in. With another sheet torn off my 2011 word-a-day calendar, there comes another floccinaucinihilipilification disguised as an earth shaking discovery. Actually, it shook the heavens, or at the very least a Magic 8-ball. Apparently, the dates associated with the zodiac have been off for awhile. All these years you thought you were a gregarious, unassuming Libra and now it turns out you’re just an unassuming, gregarious Aries. Everything you know is wrong. The Chinese are laughing at us. They’ve had their astrological ducks (and the sauce) in a row for centuries. Now the planet tilts on it’s axis by a micron and we lose our celestial shit. I’m just amazed that we didn’t take this chance to completely rework the zodiac to something more celebrity-centric. Stars for stars, right? For instance, I’m an Affleck with a Bieber rising. Just remember, Earth, Wind, and Fire said it best, “You’re a shining star, no matter who you are.”
Speaking of prognostication that usually turns out to be wrong, I should probably give you my picks for this weekend’s slate of NFL playoff tilts. I have a feeling that it’s doing to be a bad weekend for anything that flies. The Packers will pluck the Falcons, the Pats will ground the Jets, and the Steelers will grind past the Ravens. The only thing with wings that’ll keep flapping into the next round will be the Seattle Seahawks, who’re playing the Bears, a team they’ve already beaten in Chicago. I was 2-2 last week, so I’ll probably be half right again.
Whatever general advice your horoscope gave you today, bend it to mean that you should go see a comedy show this weekend. There are tons of options to choose from in the DC/Baltimore area. I’m in two of them. Tonight, at the Comedy Spot in Arlington, VA and Saturday, at the Chesapeake Arts Center Studio Theater in Baltimore, I’ll be doing a set for the DC Comedy Lab. Click the link for info. Also, don’t forget that I’ll be carrying the baton in the comedy marathon at Magooby’s as they attempt to break the world record for longest continuous comedy show. All proceeds benefit Special Olympics. I’m on at 8pm on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Check out a chunk of comedy for a great cause.
See you Monday…