Triple X

Well…I’m 30. Three whole decades. Two bar mitzvahs and a 4-year old. Some say life starts at 30. Yes…if you’re the Highlander. Despite this big milestone, my celebration was decidedly low-key…highlighted by a meal fit for Zeus himself at the Oceanaire Seafood Room. I ate an animal stuffed with two other animals…delicious in the way that only triple homicide can be.
I had my heart set on eating shark, but it wasn’t on the menu that night. If you ever get the chance, I recommend trying shark. Not because it’s particularly tasty, but because it’s especially satisfying to eat something that, if it had a chance, would eat you first. You don’t get that feeling of food-chain supremacy by eating a steak…cows aren’t predatory…yet.

Afterwards, I met up with my good pal Chris White @ RFD in Chinatown. We discussed the mysteries of life over a couple brews. One mystery in particular that has eluded me is How can anyone stay interested in the first 3/4 of MLB’s regular season? In my mind, there are too many games. Chris offered that the baseball season is a metaphor for life. I agreed…like life, the baseball season means nothing until the end. Wow…that’s morbid.

My gig out in Lynchburg reinforced my theory that stand-up comics operate on a plane that is inversely proportional to reality. I drove a grand total of 8 hours to do a 1/2 hour of work. Take that, Joe Punchclock.

Stuff I noticed on the road to and from Lynchburg:

  • A car with not one, not two, but THREE American Flag stickers. Listen buddy, I wasn’t questioning your patriotism before, but now methinks thou doth protest too much. I see one sticker, I think he’s a proud American. Two stickers, maybe he likes his car to look balanced. Three? Terrorist. Call the tipline and get this guy cavity searched.
  • A trail marker that said “Blacks Run”. Seemed more instructive than declarative to me.

  • The sign that warns Speed Limit Enforced By Aircraft. Let’s change “enforced” to “monitored”, eh? Unless I’m getting pulled over by a goddamn Cessna, the aircraft isn’t the enforcer.

Thanks to everyone who’s made my first 30 years so enjoyable…here’s to another 30.

To be continued…

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