Well, one week down…51 more to go. My first week of ’06 ended with a cool bit of luck. At noon on Saturday I got a call from my friends at the DC Improv. Apparently, their feature for the weekend had fallen ill and they needed a less stricken comic to fill-in. Fit as the proverbial fiddle, I quickly dumped my plans of lazing on the couch in my underwear for paid stage time at one of the top clubs in the country…twist my arm, why don’t ya? And as an added bonus, my good buddy Herbie Gill was MCing, so there was definitely a great couple of shows in store.
When I got to the club, there was a group of about 20 guys all dressed in blue sportcoats, khakis, and ties singing in the lobby. Apparently, they were an acapella group from Yale who were touring the country and they had landed stage time at the Improv. I figured they were going to be the “guest set”, which meant I was going to have to follow them. I found out later that they were going on before the show…with no intro. The club simply turned down the music and they filed onstage like some kind of Republican parade. Now, when a non-comedy act plays in front of a comedy audience, you’d think they would choose a peppy number to get the crowd in the mood to have good time. I believe they closed with John Henry Was A Steel Drivin’ Man. Not exactly a feel good hit. After the calls for Freebird died down, they filed back off the stage, got on their bus, and headed back to their lives of privilege.
The shows for the weekend went well. The headliner was Jeff Caldwell. He has a very dry wit. We had to bring in a humidifier for the late show…there was some chapping. I wish January would make up it’s mind and either stay in the 50’s or cut the shit and just be cold. Saturday night, it was so cold you could hang meat in the lobby. They kept the showroom well heated. I was afraid it might rain if they opened the doors.
Now, along with the opportunity to perform came the opportunity to whore myself after the show and hawk my CD. I did modest sales, but I had two odd monetary transactions. One CD was paid for with a $5 bill, a Susan B. Anthony dollar, and four Sacajawea gold coins. Getting paid in gold coins gave the evening a kind of Dungeons & Dragons feel…though I got some good XP from taking out a Gnoll outside the club…it could’ve just been a hairy homeless guy, but the dice he was rolling said I hit him. I know…I’m a level 5 DORK. Another CD was paid for with 5 $2 bills. Don’t get me wrong…money is money…I’d take ten bucks in Chuck E. Cheese tokens if needed to, but these seemed one step shy of bartering. Where was they guy who was gonna pay me with a live chicken and wampum?…or magic beans, perhaps? Make me an offer, is all I’m sayin’.
Drug maker Pfizer has begun attaching high-tech radio ID tags to packages of Viagra to thwart counterfeiters. The tags emit a a signal that U.S. pharmacists may pick up on scanners to verify authenticity. Groovy…so now you can get a four hour erection that gets XM.
A 9-foot sculpture of a film-era Ronald Reagan on horseback will be the centerpiece of a $3.2 million riverfront development project in the former president’s hometown of Dixon, Illinois. The roads will be paved with jellybeans and the addresses will be purposely vague so people will forget where they live.
Well, because I was delinquent in updating, I give you two website treats to reward you for your patience…
To fill your creative mischief quota, check out this fun site. Make sure to hit the refresh button a few times. High quality.
And please enjoy this video that answers the eternal dork question of who would win in a sci-fi throwdown. You’ll be tapping your feet and humming along to the cartoon carnage.
To be continued…