Turning On The Charm

Greetings from beyond Charm City, ‘Redheads… I had a great weekend of shows hosting at the Baltimore Comedy Factory. Thanks to their crackerjack staff for making things flow as smoothly as possible. I had the great pleasure to work with two very funny guys, Kevin Williams and Chad Daniels. These two were alot of fun to watch work. There are comics who do a great job of abandoning their routine and interacting with members of the audience, while still being engaging and funny. I’m not one of them…yet. I am a slave to my material. Both Kevin and Chad enjoy a freedom on stage that comes with allowing themselves to break from the script and react to their environment, rather than trudge through a bit that may not be working for the sake of filling time. I mentioned in the previous blog that the weekend marked my 4 year comedy anniversary. One of my goals is to allow myself to expand my focus beyond my set and start exploring that other side of performance a little.
Ok…enough of the introspection. I know that chaps the asses of a few people in the DC blog-o-verse, so let’s move on.
This weekend was also the first time I’ve done 3 shows in a night. I’m not gonna lie, Friday was a little rough. No knock against the Factory…it’s widely known in the comedy world that the Friday late show is a crapshoot…not the kind with dice…with actual crap cubes. When asked why he got out of stand-up, Steve Martin was quoted as saying, “Friday late show.” Well, this Friday had a late late show. The magic number for the show was 30…the number of people in the crowd AND the average blood/alcohol content in the room. The show had hanger marks on it. The crowd were antagonistic marionettes, with hooch jerking on the strings. We weren’t so much telling jokes as we were negotiating our release. Luckily, the sour taste of Friday’s last show was washed away by the sweet sweet flavor of Saturday (alot like sugar cookies). All three shows were packed with crowds who wanted to laugh…at us, no less. ‘Twas refreshing.

I had a comedy dream last night. It wasn’t so much a dream about comedy, but in it I came up with 3 or 4 great lines…at least they were pretty funny in dreamland. For some reason, the topic these jokes centered around was laundry. Here’s the pisser about dreams like that…when I wake up, the funny lines go *poof*. I kind of remember one of them. I was along the lines of when I opened the dryer, my clothes were as hot and wet as Girls Gone Wild: New Orleans. Like I said, it was funny in dreamland…Freddy laughed his ass off. I’m not a big fan of comedy dreams. I suck in my dreams. I fumble my set-ups, I forget my punchlines, and I bomb horribly. When people talk to me after shows, they tell me I’m “living the dream.” If I ever start living my dreams, I’m in BIG trouble.

This blog rarely gets political, but I saw this picture in the Washington Post, and I chuckled.

This is from an anti-Bush rally in Pakistan. I’m not sure if the guy’s sign says something different in Pakistani, but he has to remember who he’s protesting against. If Bush actually saw it, he’d probably think the guy was a fan of his…”Yeah…hehe…Go me.”

News Flash:
ORLANDO- A videotape cleared four Disney employees of rape allegations, showing their accuser to be a willing participant in the sexual encounter, Orange County sheriff’s officials said.
Apparently, what happened was, Donald and Daisy Duck, Goofy, and Snow White were pitching a new act to Michael Eisner. They taped it so he could get the full experience. It starts off with Donald and Daisy on stage. Donald lays on his back, while Daisy waddles over and squats over his face. Donald begins reciting the Star Spangled Banner. Just as he gets to the line about the bombs bursting in air, Daisy lays an egg his open mouth. He holds it in his bill as it hatches a cute little baby duckling. Then Goofy comes out, dressed in a cowboy outfit. Daisy ducks her head, no pun intended, as Goofy struts up to her and whips out his dick and begins pissing on Daisy’s head. Well, the piss rolls off her duck back and into Donald’s mouth that the new duckling starts splashing around in like a yellow, sticky, afterbirthy birdbath. On the other end of the stage, Snow White does a cartwheel into a triple flip and lands straddled on Donald’s bare feathered crotch. Meanwhile, Daisy starts going down on Goofy even while the piss stream is still trickling out. So, Snow White is fucking Donald and Daisy is blowing Goofy, while the duckling starts felching Daisy and Donald begins gargling It’s A Small World After All. It turns into a frenzy of fucking and sucking and feathers and excrement. Snow White plucks the duckling from Donald’s mouth, bites it’s head off and spits it to Goofy, who catches it in his cowboy hat and holds it out for Daisy. Daisy spits his goofy spooge in the hat. The four of them leap to their feet, take a shit on stage, and skate around in it until it spells out THE END. Eisner turned off the tape, “That’s quite an act guys. What do you call it?” Goofy smacked Donald on the back and proclaimed, “THE ARISTOCRATS!”

I feel dirty…you?

To be continued…

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