Plenty Of Jared Stern To Go Around

Hey there ‘Redheads… I wanted to get in a quick blog before I hit the road tomorrow for a 3-day tour of Ohio, West Virginia, and…Ohio. Not exactly worth printing a t-shirt, but it should be a fun couple of days and it’ll give me a chance to get my road legs back.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to put in this post, when MySpace dropped this in my lap:


So allow me to tell you a story sir. Once upon a time there was a young boy who dreamed of one day becoming an “actor”, as he grew he developed a “wit” about him and in his pursuit of the “performing arts” became fascinated with Stand-up Comedy (the “quotes” will now stop as they are becoming tiresome and slightly obnoxious looking).

This young boy went to an acting college (that he hated) and because of their bullshit rules, he was not allowed to audition outside of the school. Upon graduation he set forth to begin his career as both an actor and comedian.

He wanders into a local comedy club looking to perform the work he had been working on for years, and when he writes his name on the list he hears the gentleman say something quite peculiar “Oh, I’ve heard of you”.

Now right away our hero realizes that this man has NEVER heard of him, and so looks online and sure enough, there is…… ANOTHER JARED STERN.

Yes Mr. Stern, I am Jared Stern as well. Spelled exactly the same way. And what are the chances of TWO Jared Stern’s spelled the same way pursuing the same career in less then 100 miles of each other.

So first I was pissed, and then I heard your stuff, and you are funny. I do need to know though (if you don’t mind) what your experience is and goals in life. I’m not trying to stalk you, but SAG (Screen Actors Guild) is a bitch and I need to know if I need to create a new name now.

Anyway, good luck, liked your stuff, and if you can spare a few for a fellow Jared Stern, I’d appreciate the heads up. It would help a lot!

– Jared Stern

Pretty cool, eh? Jared Sterns aren’t that rare, actually. When I first got into stand-up, there was another comedian named Jared Stern. That’s why my website is… was his. After a couple months of comedy training, though, I was able to track him down…lop off his head with a broad sword, and take his Quickening…thanks, Ramirez (that reference was for 5 people). So, in short, he and I will be battling on a rooftop in New York at some point.

Tonight, I hosted the American University preliminary round of the District’s Funniest College competition with fellow avid comedy bloggers, Rory Scovel and Danny Rouhier. The show was held in the food court of the student center. It was a great stage set up, but it was situated next to a juice bar…with the loudest blender since the Kenmore Monster Truck Appliance Jam…on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!…sorry, got carried away. There’s nothing quite like being heckled by a wheat grass smoothie.
Highlight of the evening: the Coca-Cola drink, Full Throttle, a co-sponsor of the show, gave out promotional FREE WHOOPEE CUSHIONS. Rubberized comedy gold…the portable fart joke. The bat-a-rang of the 8-year old comedy utility belt. There’s something about that talc and rubber smell that stuffs me in the trunk of a Delorean, sets the clock to 1985, and hits 88mph back to my childhood. 1.21 gigawatts of innocent child-like poop humor (that reference was for 5 more people). All I’m saying is, I’ll be closing my shows this weekend with a whoopee toot. Old school…old elementary school.

To be continued…

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