After a minor glitch, it appears we’re back to our regularly scheduled program, ‘Redheads… In case you missed the last installment, you can find it on my MySpace blog. Get caught up.
As a reward for your patience in these trying times, here’s a super special bonus installment to get things back on schedule and kick off Blogtober. Just a couple random tidbits that I meant to get to last time, but ended up getting shelved for on reason or another…reheated leftovers…mmm mmm toasty.
Where to start… Well, with a birthday, comes presents. I didn’t get a whole lot of tangible stuff this year…mostly just good times with good friends. My buddy Seth got me a couple obscure kung-fu DVDs. My aunt got me cologne. I don’t usually wear cologne. I prefer my natural musk…B’eau. Since that hasn’t exactly turned my social life into the Tag bodyspray commercial I’d like it to be, I figure a better smelling Jared can only mean…I’ll be less offensive to myself when I’m all alone…so alone.
When I opened the box, my mom was beaming with the hope that this concoction contained the right chemical combination to create a single Jewish girl from thin air. “I want to see what this smells like on you,” see said as she snatched it out of my hand and proceeded to mace me like a Cincinnati Bengal during a routine traffic stop. “Do you smell it?” Well yeah, mom…since the sense of smell gets sharper when you’re BLIND! I’ve worn in twice in social settings…Love Potion #9 it ain’t.
In the news…
Los Angeles, CA – POM Wonderful, the world’s largest distributor of pomegranate juice, said it’s being targeted by Animal Liberation Front activists who are upset over product testing on mice and rabbits. An ALF spokesman denied involvement. In court papers, POM’s president said the company had been involved in “a limited amount of animal testing.”
Ok, first of all, your animal activist group is called ALF…who eats cats. Second, correct me if I’m wrong, but we’re talking about fruit juice, right? Not shampoo or battery acid or those demeaning little mouse sweaters…I mean, unless they’re directly juicing these animals, what’s the problem? Pomegranate juice is rich in anti-oxidants, which are supposed to be healthy. Could they possibly cause cancer in lab mice…? Here’s a hot tip…EVERYTHING CAUSES CANCER IN LAB MICE. I’m pretty sure cheese is a fucking carcinogen for these things. Find a cause that isn’t so benign and delicious.
Preston, CT – An archeological service unearthed American Indian artifacts on the grounds of a former state mental hospital – the proposed site of a $1.6 billion entertainment complex.
Ok…Indian burial ground, check…abandoned mental hospital, check…big development over top of it, check. I give you the script for Poltergeist 4. I’m surprised the walls of this blog aren’t bleeding.
I’m not sure how this came up, but Jessica Paquin, Patrick Harding and I determined that one of the most tasteless remakes/updates that could happen is The Blog of Anne Frank.
Upcoming chances to see Jared Live in Blogtober:
10/7 @ The Bethesda Hyatt **THIS WEEKEND**
10/17 @ Ned Devine’s in Sterling, VA
10/18 @ Drafthouse Comedy Lounge in Arlington, VA
10/24 @ American University
Come out. We’ll hang.
To be continued…