Let’s try and get a hold of ourselves, ‘Redheads… Everyone is losing their minds over the impending storm that’s going to make The Shining look like an instructional video. Computer models have shown that the DC Metro area will turn purple on Friday morning. We’re going to get grimaced. People are already predicting that schools will be closed for at least two days after the storm. It’s the Snow-pocalypse!… SNO-MG!… Snow what?, that’s what I say. After the dumping we got a month or snow ago, you’d think we could handle ourselves. That last snow wasn’t measured in inches, it was measured in shit-tons. Everyone made it out just fine. I’d like you guys to help me out with a snowcialogical experiment. After the storm shutters you in for the weekend, I’d like you to keep a record of how much bread you consume, how much milk you guzzle, and your instances of ass-wipage. I’m pretty positive it’s not going to be much more than your average two day consumption. Snow calm the fuck down.

Once again, the snow is picking a fine time to drop in. Just in time to fuck up everyone’s weekend plans. I speak specifically of anyone who has comical obligations on the eastern seaboard. Shows will probably be cancelled and I’m hoping that mine aren’t among them. I’m performing in Newport News, VA this weekend at one of my favorite little clubs, Cozzy’s. The snow is supposed to start falling around 10am on Friday, which is when I’ll be hopping in the car to head south, where birds go to get away from this crap. I blame the groundhog for this. Six more weeks of winter all because some yutz in a top hat held a rodent up with the sun at its back. Maybe Apple can help… I’ll make a sled out of iPads and call it the iDitarod. I wish I could enjoy the snow as much as an eight year old…or Darth Vader, but I got someplace to be and this is a white fluffy pain in my ass. Hey, speaking of Darth Vader…

David Prowse, the British actor who physically played Darth Vader in the original three ‘Star Wars’ films, has announced he’s made a full recovery from prostate cancer.

Technically, James Earl Jones made the announcement.

See you guys when I get back, just in time for the SuperSnowl…

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