It’s that time again, where I walk the tightrope of self-delusion and self-deprecation to beseech you to validate my ridiculous city-wide antics. This year, we’re going for three in a row. Hey, nothing much matters anymore, so why not take part in an election that might bring one particular person a fleeting moment of joy. So, if you would, Vote for Jared Stern as Best Comedian in DC. I’ll be firm, but fair.
A couple years ago, I had a realization that Haiku and Yo Mama jokes both start with five syllables. That idea percolated in my head and I wrote a couple of these ridiculous mash-ups out… and then things started to snowball, and then I brought my super talented buddy John Irons onto the project. Between the two of us, we cranked out one hundred Yo Mama Haiku for your enjoyment… and hopefully the enjoyment of a couple million other people. The tone is clever and silly, perfect for all ages, and a great gift for yo mama. It’ll be available soon, so stay tuned. For now, here’s a taste:
For those of you within shouting distance of the First State, I’ve got a double shot of diversion coming up. I’m headlining two shows in Delaware on Feb. 21st & 22nd! On the 21st I’ll be at the Dickens Parlour Theater in Ocean View. And on the 22nd I’ll be at Dream Big Performing Arts Center in Delmar. Pick one and let’s have some fun.
The landscape for digital voids to shout into has gotten a little brighter recently with the emergence of Bluesky. Are you on this new less hellish site? Because I am and I thrive on the attention of others. Please to FOLLOW ME and some of my funny cohorts and let’s see how loud this new echo chamber gets.
I’m stoked to be returning to The Stoltz Listening Room in the Avalon Theater on September 14th! I’ll be headlining two shows and I’m bringing my funny friends Jim Meyer and Ryan Finch with me. You don’t want to miss this good time. Avoid the crippling FOMO by clicking here for tix: 7:00pm or 9:30pm.
I’m happy to announce that I’m now a three time and back to back winner of Best Comedian in the Washington City Paper’s Best of DC Reader’s Poll. That and five dollars will get me a value meal. Seriously, thank you to everyone who voted. It was an honor just to nominate myself. This kind of thing is a double-edged sword because, while my ego thirsts for this particular flavor of accolade, now I have to live up to your lofty expectations. Check me out at one of my upcoming shows and watch me try!
On July 27th at the DC Improv, I add the “s” to the front of “laughter” to get my hands on a shiny belt, because I enjoy my own reflection THAT MUCH. I’ll be entering the underworld of comedy death fighting against some of the funniest comics in the city. The winner of each round is determined by the loudness of your applause so, if I lose, it’s kind of on you. I don’t know if you could handle letting me down like that, so I advise you to get your tickets here and tell your squad to laugh louder so I can linger longer.
The Mild Amusement Express is heading down the tobacco road! On July 13th, I’ll be HEADLINING the fabulous Idiot Box in Greensboro, NC. Then, in September, I’ll be joining a cavalcade of hilarious comics at the North Carolina Comedy Festival. If you’re in the greater Greensboro area or know someone who is: SPREAD THE WORD like butter on a biscuit.
Last year, I was lucky enough to win Best Comedian in the Washington City Paper #BestOfDC Reader’s Poll. Some might try to pump the brakes and let expectations die down to a manageable level, but I am not among that… some. I ask you once again to feed a hungry ego and VOTE FOR JARED STERN as Best Comedian in DC. And while you’re there, VOTE FOR BETWEEN TWO STERNS as Best Local Podcast. Elections have consequences, and this one will make me happy for a fleeting moment. Won’t that be nice?
I guess I’m only allowed to win these things in years ending in 3, but I am once again, according to the readers of the Washington City Paper, the Best Comedian in DC. I’m of two minds on this. Sure, as a benign narcissist, my ego needs constant feeding, but my brand as an entertainer (and in life, if we’re being honest) is to keep audience expectations limbo champion low, which makes me seem funnier. Oh well. Thank you to everyone who voted. Come see a show and watch me try to live up to this.
JARED STERN'S ONLINE COMEDY CUBICLE 