Category: http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post

Reviewery

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Insidious, Jared Stern, review, Sam Raimi, Your Highness

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I just got back from seeing a creepy little flick called Insidious. I can now cross the first item off of the “Things To Do While The Girlfriend Is Away” list. Do yourself a favor and check this movie out before it fades away into the ether of Netflix. It’s worth checking out in the theater. I say this, despite the fact that I saw it for free. I would’ve been perfectly satisfied parting ways with ten bucks. To describe it in one sentence: Imagine if Sam Raimi directed Poltergeist. In fact, the movie very much reminds me of Raimi’s recent return to the horror genre, Drag Me To Hell. Both films do a great job of taking you on a sonic roller coaster ride. The music and sound cues in the movie really add the extra jolt to the scares. And it does a great job with pacing, drawing you in with hints of a shadowy reflection, then BAM! Demonface. It’s an original twist on the typical haunting/demonic possession stories that are in style right now. No “found footage”. No shaky camera work. Just a well executed premise. My only complaint was that I saw the twist ending coming, but it was still fun to see it play out.

Next on my list is Your Highness, which looks like it might have the chops to be uttered (or rather, exhaled) in the same breath as another Raimi classic, Army of Darkness.

Here’s hoping.

Until then, the balcony is closed. See you Friday.

Rock Out

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in 98Rock, bad habits, comedy, funny, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Justin Schlegel, Metallica

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I’m getting to the blog a little late today. I just got done rocking out in my car on the drive home from hosting my weekly trivia night in Bethesda. Some of you may have heard of my buddy, comedy dynamo, Justin Schlegel. Even though he just moved out to LA to seek fame and fortune, he hasn’t forgotten his old bay sprinkled roots back in Baltimore. In fact, he hosts the night-time show on 98Rock from his new digs in la-la-land. Anyway, I get in my car about ten minutes to 11, looking forward to Mandatory Metallica to provide the soundtrack to my aggressive driving. Well, Mr. Schlegel got the Metall-itch a little early, and treated us to this little ditty to wet our metal whistle. Extend your devil horns, crank up your speakers, and let your face melt like a fine fondue…

That was followed by two killer tracks off of Death Magnetic (that whole album is great), Suicide and Redemption and The End of the Line. Great ride home, is all I’m saying.

I neglected to mention that I am honey-less for roughly two weeks, as my girlfriend is away on a business trip. I miss her, but the toilet seat is where it’s supposed to be. Up. And it’s staying there. I wish I could say that my fart quotient has gone up, but I pretty much let loose regardless and blame it on a mysterious duck. Another gross habit that I engage in, with or without her, is picking my belly button. It is a never ending source of lint. It’s like someone put me together at the Build-A-Bear Workshop. When the weather gets hotter, I’ll be a walking dryer fire hazard.

See you Thursday.

Tuesday Random Crap

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, funny, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, NCAA, UConn

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I hope this blog finds you well on a blustery Tuesday night. I’m still waiting on the footage from the Improv, so I give you another random pull from the lottery popper in my head.

One thing I neglected to mention in my brief recap of my weekend at the DC Improv, was the number of British people that came to the shows. Apparently, the exchange rate on my jokes is pretty good. I must’ve shook hands and exchanged pleasantries with at least a half dozen people who sounded like Russell Brand.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention the NCAA Championship game that was contested last night between the Butler Bulldogs and the UConn Huskies. It made sense that two dog teams were playing because that game was a steaming pile. The only thing uglier is Verne Lundquist’s jowls in HD. I was disappointed that Butler lost because I was looking forward to all of the hack sports headlines, like “BUTLER DID IT!” or “HUSKIES SERVED LOSS BY BUTLER” or “BUTLER CLEANS UP”. Alas, those dreams were dashed. Man, Butler shot horribly. I heard one stat that they were 1 for 25 from the paint. That’s only one more basket than I had and I didn’t even play. I was an inside presence for Butler from my couch. There were fewer bricks thrown during the L.A. riots in ’92 (Google it). Overall it was a great tournament, but that game was a crappy way to cap things off.

That’s all I got. See you Wednesday.

Back to Earth

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, DC Improv, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Judah Friedlander

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I’m recovering from a comedy hangover today after a stellar sold out weekend at the DC Improv with the World Champion, Judah Friedlander. Thanks to Allyson, Melba, Luis, Morgan, and the rest of the crackerjack staff for making it feel like home. And thanks to everyone who came out to laugh at me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, DC Improv crowds are a gift. They’re smart, with it, quick on the uptake, and generally willing to go wherever you want to take them. Sure, they can be a little uptight sometimes, but that makes the laughs you get from them all the sweeter. Afterward, I got some of the best post-show reaction I’ve ever gotten. People who don’t go to a lot of comedy shows always seem genuinely surprised that the MC and feature are any good. One guy got a picture with me and told me he was adding me to a blog he writes about his favorite comedians. I shook a lot of hands and got some mileage out of the giant tub of hand sanitizer in the green room. My ego will be slowly re-entering Earth’s atmosphere over the next few days.

I also had the pleasure of working with the very funny Laura Prangley. It was pretty cool that all three comics on the bill were from the area. Laura is from Olney, I grew up in Silver Spring, and Judah is from Gaithersburg. Laura was nice enough to record a couple of my sets on her flip cam. I should be getting something postable at some point this week, but here are some pictures of me on stage in the meantime… More to come. See you Tuesday.

Pity the Fool

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, DC Improv, funny, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Judah Friedlander, pranks

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Once again, I’m getting to blog activities early because I’ll be neck deep in the adulation of strangers tonight. If you still want to come see me at the DC Improv this weekend with Judah Friedlander, the only tickets left are for the Sunday 8pm show. No foolin‘. The rest of the weekend is completely sold out. Enough of the shameless self-promotion. That’s not what you came here for. Why are you here, exactly? Don’t answer that. Best not to question why. Don’t look a gift reader in the mouth. And I’m not going to try to pull any lame April Fool’s Day pranks on you either. Everything has been done. Besides, everyone I know is so jaded and skeptical that I’d pretty much have to fake my own death to get a reaction out of them. That’s too much work. And what even counts as a prank anymore? I’ve seen some of these prank shows on MTV and all of them boil down to waking someone out of a dead sleep, scaring the shit out of them, and/or kicking them in the nuts. No real planning, just taking advantage of a sleeping target. Like fishing with a hand grenade. Sure, there’s a big payoff, but it’s too easy. This, on the other hand, is one of the best YouTube-era pranks I’ve ever seen…

Then there’s the flipside of the heightened prank paranoia that today brings. When people tell you actual true things and you refuse to believe them because you don’t want to get had. I checked back in the blog archives and I don’t think I’ve shared this anecdote with you, but exactly three years ago, my buddy Seth called me to tell me that his wife was pregnant with their second child. Seth is like family to me, so I was very happy for him and I was psyched to be an uncle-by-proxy again. I wished him a hearty congratulations, then we hung up. Then I realized what day it was. I called him back and got his voicemail and I left him a message something along the lines of, “Ha ha, very funny. Way to toy with my emotions, ya prick.” He called back and tried to convince me, but I would have none of it, because he’s the kind of guy that would take a joke that far at my expense. I took me until his son was born for me to finally believe him. See you Monday. If you make it out to the Improv, stop by and say hi after the show.

Day Bloggin’

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, DC Improv, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Judah Friedlander, new car

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I’m getting my requisite blogging out of the way early, because I have a jam packed evening ahead of me, and even if I do make it back to my computer before midnight, anything I try to type will be rushed and slapdash. Much like that last sentence. That one ran on a bit. Anyway, better to rush it now, during the moments that make up a dull day at work. Once I’m done here, I have to return my rental Chevy Cobalt and pick up my (in my best Rod Roddy) BRAND NEW CAR! A 2011 Jeep Patriot. I’ve named it Pat. Pat Riot. It’ll be nice to drive a proper vehicle again. I’m not a big guy, but I needed a shoe horn to get in and out of the Cobalt. On a less exciting note, I also get a BRAND NEW CAR PAYMENT! Blech.

Once I get home, I have to delouse and put on my spiffy duds for the first of six shows at the DC Improv this weekend with Judah Friedlander. Have I mentioned that? Because if I haven’t, I should also mention that tickets are going fast and you can get yours at DCImprov.com.

I’ll leave you with one of the more morbidly hilarious things I’ve seen today. Enjoy…

See you Friday.

A Late Wednesday Blog

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, DaVinci, DC Improv, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Judah Friedlander, scissors

Hey there, ‘Redheads… It’s 11:15pm on Wednesday, and I have a few things to share with you. First and foremost, if you haven’t yet gotten your tickets to see me at the DC Improv, tomorrow through Sunday, with Judah Friedlander, time is running out. The 8pm show on Friday and both shows on Saturday are SOLD OUT. Once he starts doing his local promotional blitz on morning radio, whatever’s left is going to go quick. So, go to DCImprov.com to get your tickets and I’ll wait here for you to get back.

Got ’em? Good.

They say you learn something new every day. Today I learned that DaVinci invented scissors. Shortly thereafter, his mother coined the phrase, “You’ll putta your eye out!” I’m betting the invention of band-aids came right after that. If necessity is the mother of invention, then bleeding is it’s second cousin.

Since my truck got all smashy a couple weeks ago, I’ve seen a couple big wrecks on the road that I’ve missed being a part of by about thirty seconds. I saw a five car wreck on 295 yesterday that was caused by a couch in the road. The couch got the worst of it. Completely undriveable. What it was doing in the road is beyond me. Maybe the guy who owned misunderstood what a convertible couch is.

See you Thursday.

Leggo my Ego

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in caricature, charity, comedy, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Kari Fry, self-important

Hey there, ‘Redheads… I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, but I love me some me. Probably explains why I bother to shout my random thoughts into the ether from my little cyber-soapbox. It’s the delusion of self-importance that keeps me (and most people) chugging along. If this blog falls in the forest, and no one bothers to read it, blah blah blah. Anyway, with all of the crap that’s going on in the world, the trivialities in my world seem all the more trivial. Well, as it turns out, vanity and charity found a way to cross paths.

After the disaster in Japan, several artists have been donating their talents to raise money for Japan relief. One of my favorites, caricaturist Kari Fry, auctioned off a limited number of custom caricatures for a $20 donation to the Red Cross. Another picture of me? I jumped at it. I sent her a couple reference photos, so she could see the cut of my jib, and I told her a little bit about me. Here’s what she came up with… I’m helping a chicken cross the road. I think it came out great. And it was for a good cause, so I can feel good about myself for two reasons.

See you Wednesday.

Wright and Wrong

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, Frank Lloyd Wright, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Piratz Tavern

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Sorry about the lack of blog on Friday. I’m here to make good on my IOU, as I had a weekend chock full of random goodness. It turns out I was already a winner. On Friday night I got a call from an unknown number that I usually wouldn’t have answered, but I’ve been in contact with various insurance agents because of my car, so I picked up. The fellow on the other end informed me that I had won a big prize in a contest that I don’t remember entering. I was eligible to win a car or a TV or a large sum of money. All I had to do was go somewhere and listen to a brief presentation before I could claim my fabulous prize. When he asked to confirm my date of birth I said, “Yesterday.” Then I hung up. On Saturday, my gal and I met up with friends Chris, Joe, and Allyson for a day of adventure. Usually, any adventure with Chris includes some kind of learning and this one was no different as we traveled to the Pope Leighy House, built by famous architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. We were led on a tour through and around the house by soon-to-be-famous tour guide, Fairfield. He was so happy to have people in his group that weren’t dead eyed tweens that he gave us an extra long but very interesting look at the subtle details of the house.Here are some fun facts that I learned: 1) Frank Lloyd Wright was so rigid and dictatorial in his designs that he would force clients to use only the furniture that he provided. He would often visit months after the fact and rearrange to house as he saw fit… “I took the liberty of removing your curtains and stacking your children while you were asleep.” 2) His son invented Lincoln Logs. 3) I’m thinking of changing my name to Fairfield. From there, it was a quick drive down the road to check out a giant watering can. You heard me.We also spotted something you might find in Stephen King’s garden. After that, we swung on over to Silver Spring to batten down our collective hatches at Piratz Tavern. That’s right, a pirate themed bar. Like Applebee’s with scurvy. We got ourselves a pitcher of grog and drank in the one-eyed atmosphere.For those of you wondering what exactly grog is, it’s spiced rum served in large quantities. Speaking of which, remove the “quan” and that describes the corseted waitresses. Huge tracts of land.

See you Tuesday.

IOU One Blog

by jaredsterncomedy, posted in comedy, DC Improv, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Jared Stern, Judah Friedlander

Hey there, ‘Redheads… Happy Friday to you and yours. The sun was shining just a little bit brighter today because Duke got trounced by Arizona and bounced from the NCAA tourney. Just so you know, this one is to keep the streak alive and to let you know that I’ll have a super-size installment, full of weekend hijinks, on Monday. I just got home from a fun gig up in Columbia. Big thanks to David Shofer and the gang up at Sonoma’s for having me on their one year anniversary comedy show.

I will use this spot for a shameless plug. Tickets are going fast for next weekend’s slate of shows at the DC Improv with Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock. I’ll be featuring and Laura Prangley will be hosting. Six shows, Thursday through Sunday. So, stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen because the Saturday early show is already sold out and the rest are soon to follow. Go to DCImprov.com for tix and info.

See you Monday. I’m going to bed.

See you Monday