All kinds of stuff to get into… The weekend was chock full of cool stuff, so let’s start there…

FRIDAY: I put on a Superman shirt and my DC101 jacket and went out to party like it was 1999 (those of you who’re familiar with my life pre-standup, will realize that timeline fits). Met up with my buddy, Chris White at RFD in Chinatown for a couple of brews before the 9:45 showing of A History Of Violence. Apparently my flashback wardrobe caught the attention of Zork, the God of Odd Coincidence, because I ran into two ghosts of my DC101 past. Kardin, a fellow former ClearChannel employee (our bartender) and Pamela, who played on the Morning Show kickball team and served margaritas under the alias “Rosalita”. Both’re very cool gals, and we reminisced about the good ol’ days. One particular bit of way-backery (look it up) brought us to the sex toy parties that were held in-studio on more than one occasion. These parties are a lot like tupperware parties, except instead of Prep Essentials Snack-Stor® Container, Cold Cut Keepers & Egg Trays, they sell double-headed dildos. Which begs the eternal question… How much would YOU pay for something that can fuck a tin can and still be hard enough to fuck a tomato, hmmm? I believe a sale was just made.
On to the multi-plex… A History Of Violence was a great movie, and catapulted Viggo Mortensen to the top of my list of Favorite Viggos…past the former #1, Viggo, Master of Evil from Ghostbusters 2. I recommend giving it a look…it is an empowering film…I had the urge to maim at least 3 homeless on the walk back to the Metro.

SATURDAY: Went to see a Henry Rollins spoken worperformancece at the Birchmere. Rollins is funny, engaging, intelligent, and angry. Do yourself a favor and pick up one of his better spoken word CDs, The Boxed Life. It was a great show, despite suffering from a bad case of swamp-ass/stiff neck afterward. Basil White was also at the show, and I bring this up to set up what happened after the show. Henry, despite his gruff exterior, is a very nice guy and gracious to his fans. A bunch people had brought things to be autographed, and a group of about 15 of us waited by his tour bus for him to come say hi. I brought my copy of The Boxed Life to get signed…and a copy of my own CD, Strangers Laugh At Me, to give to Henry…cuz I’m a whore. It took the better part of an hour for him to show, and in that time, Basil decided to hit the dusty trail. Basil was particularly moved by some things Henry had said about teachers and gave me a transcript of one of his standup comedy classes to give to Henry. Ok, so Henry comes out starts signing stuff and talking to the people. He gets to me and my brain decides to go take a smoke break…as he signs my CD, I try to explain my offerings to Henry… “My friend really liked what you said about teachers and he wanted me to give you this…” He looks quizzically at the folded papers… “It’s a stand-up comedy class…” This guy just got finished a 2+ hour show where he had the crowd rolling, and I’m implying he needs lessons…at least, in my mind that’s how it sounded. I felt like a shmuck.
I sent the following email to Basil the next day…
Hey Basil…

I gave Henry your class thing…when I told him what it was, I believe the thought that went through his head was “hey, fuck you buddy”. I’ll be emailing him later to explain myself.


Basil apparently replied on my behalf…
Henry: My sister and I are teachers and we liked what
you said about teaching. Jared handed you what I
teach – http://www.basilwhite/comedy workshop – it’s
the psychology and neuroscience of how people get

-Basil White

To which Henry replied…
Basil / Jared. It’s really not for you to assume what goes through my head, fuck you or otherwise. I have the writing, the CD, all of it and I’ll check it out when I get a chance if I get a chance. Thanks. HR

…Pretty cool, eh? I thought so.

SUNDAY: Met up with my uber-cute, rock star pal, Marissa. We took advantage of the absolutely gorgeous day and went to the Renaissance Festival…in costume. Nothing quite like dorking it up in full D&D regalia. The Renn Fest brings out all the colors of the rainbow, from the whitest of trash to the reddest of neck. We dined on roast turkey legs and guzzled mead wine. The day wouldn’tve been complete without a comedy-sighting, and big ups to Curt Shackleford, open-mic kingpin, for filling the bill. A fun day was had by all.

On to other news…

It was recently the first day of school for a Vatican university teaching aspiring demonologists and exorcists. “There is no doubt that the devil is intervening more in the life of man these days,” Father Paolo Scarafoni told the students. “Not all of you will become exorcists, but it is indispensable that every priest knows how to discern between demonic possession and psychological problems,” he said.

…which is the crux of my brand new game show:

* OR *
* SATAN? *

To be continued…

One thought on “Weekend-TASTIC!

  1. I only hope that there will soon be a day where I can once again share the joy of the mix-in-your-mouth margarita with others. Oh, and bartender—a round of double-headed dildos for all!


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