Poison My Eyes

Hey there ‘Redheads… Greetings from beyond all the Newport News that’s fit to print. Just got back from a great weekend at Cozzy’s, one of my favorite clubs. Before I get this blog a rollin’, I realize that July has been a below-par month as far as blog frequency. I’ve been trying to offset that by making the blog as meaty as possible. This week is no exception.

First and foremost, thanks to Lorain, Corry, Karen, and the rest of the Cozzy’s staff for an amazing weekend. All three shows were packed to the rafters with folk that were ready to laugh. I wish I could take credit for the sell-out crowds. I suffer from many delusions, but “being a draw” is not yet one of them. The capacity crowd was all thanks to a DC legend, the Fat Doctor. For those of you who don’t know, the good doctor has mentored guys like Martin Lawrence and Dave Chappelle. He’s a favorite down in Newport News, and it was very cool to watch him work. Another thing you may not know about Doc is that he was a contemporary of the late great Richard Pryor. It’s one thing to work with a cool headliner, but getting a chance to work with a font of comedy wisdom…that’s the icing on the gravy.

This was my third time at Cozzy’s, and this was my most consistent weekend there so far. This was best crystallized by Chris, a patron of the club who’s seen me all three times. “Dude,” he started, “The first time I saw you, you seemed to lose the crowd about halfway through. The second time, I was like ‘This guy is funny.’ Tonight, I was like ‘This guy has a point.’ ” The several pitchers of beer he’d thrown back aside, I found his observation encouraging. Someone out there thinks I have a point. Now, all I have to do is…find a point. I’ll be taking suggestions.

Speaking of nebulous points, you probably read the title of the blog and are wondering what the hell it has to do with my weekend adventures (but, I assume too much). Well, much of my weekend was spent mainlining junk into my peepers. It started after my set on Friday night. It turns out the town of Newport News was named for the cigarette, because these people smoked like cancer is a prize. There was a thick haze that you could see in the stage lights. Usually, I don’t mind the smoke…I have a second hand smoking habit, but that night the nicotine cloud formed two fingers that poked me right in the eyes. I got all teary, like Matt Lauer just asked me if the papparazzi had gone too far.
The assault on my eyes continued the next morning (ok, it was closer to noon…the sun was shining, anyway), as I went about killing my Saturday. My usual routine is to catch a matinee at the local multiplex. The showing of Clerks 2 didn’t start for another couple hours, so I had some thumb-twiddling time. I usually find a bookstore or a DVD store to pass the time, but this time I wandered in what I thought was a video game store, called Gamer’s Haven. Turns out, it was a place to play video games. Roughly 15 PCs all set up to run networked games. You pay by the hour and log on to all sorts of retina-burning fun. I chose Doom 3 so I could kill both time and demons with one stone. I bought this game for my home computer, but apparently the graphics are too vivid for it, because when I attempted to play it, it looked like I was reading an apocalyptic flip book. So, being able to play the game on a high-performance machine was a plus. They supply you with headphones and a flatscreen monitor…very immersive. Midway through the game, I felt like Bill Paxton in Aliens. Oddly enough, that was around the time that my hour ran out…game over, man…game over.

After I got done, I went to check out the latest from Kevin Smith, Clerks 2. I’m not going to review the movie. If you liked Mallrats or Dogma or the original Clerks, then you’ll enjoy this one. What caught my eye was a preview for another flick, The Protector. This is the newest movie from Muay Thai dynamo, Tony Jaa. No digital effects. No wire stunts. Just pure badass martial artistry. If you haven’t seen the man in action, I give you the final fight from his first movie, Ong Bak: Thai Warrior. Enjoy…

Pretty flippin’ sweet, eh? Expect more of that barbaric ballet in the new one, which should hit theaters in late August.

Well, it’s getting late, so I’ll leave you with that. Your comedy homework: Go support the comedy showcase at the Arlington Cinema n’ Drafthouse on the 26th. If it sells out, good things happen.

To be continued…

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