I’m Eating It

Hey there ‘Redheads… Welcome to the final post of July. The blog has turned into pretty much a weekly endeavor this month, focusing on sheer blog density rather than frequency. Here’s hoping I’m able to come up with just as much pointless filler for August. Before I get things started, a quick shout out to one of my bestest digital pals, and fellow blogger, Mary. Mary is expecting a bouncing baby any time now…and hopefully soon. At last check, Mary has winced her way through 14 DAYS of contractions as the feng shui of her insides readjusts for the forthcoming vacancy. In the words of the late great Dennis Wolfberg, she’s seen more labor than Jimmy Hoffa. You can read all about it in her blog, Tales From the Dork Side. Onto things that are more me-centric…

Big ups to Adam Dodd for putting on a fine show at the Colonial Tavern in Fredericksburg, Va. last night. I was lucky enough to be on the bill with some of the funnier folk the DC/Baltimore/VA has to offer, including Brian Kerns, Danny Rouhier, Larry Poon, and Justin Schlegel. Powerhouses all. As Danny mentioned in his blog (conveniently linked on your right), the show ran long and hot…and the crowd grew weary. I blame comedy dynamo, Justin Schlegel (arrogant prick…inside joke…way inside…like for 5 people inside). I’ll explain. Due to his extra-long drive home, instead of headlining the show, he was put smack dab in the middle of the line-up. And, of course, he tore the roof off the mothersucker…irretrievably raising the bar to heights that the rest of us did not possess the rocket boots to reach. As a result, the next three comics, myself included, split a bowl of turd a la mode trying to follow him. It was like trying to get someone’s attention in Hiroshima with a sparkler on August 7th, 1945. If not for the soft shoe of Larry Poon, the Minnow would be lost…the Minnow would be lost. Glad to see Larry back in action. Seriously, the great thing about Justin is he has that rare combination of talent and humility that makes him great on and off stage.
My set was spotty, at best. I got frazzled in the beginning trying to engage the audience off-the-cuff. I ad-lib about as well as a Speak n’ Spell. It was an uphill battle from the get go. I managed to squeeze in a couple laughs between the awkward silences, but I was a stammering mess for the most part. This stunk mostly because I was eating it in front of my peers. Or, so I thought. After my set, I was approached by 5 different people who shook my hand and said, “great set” and “thank you”. This means one of two things. Either I have the worst case of stage ears (when you’re doing well and only hear the negative feedback or when you’re bombing and translate a chuckle/polite cough into a standing O) or I’m only funny to individuals and not a whole collective…

This guy sucks…

Or, once again, I’m just making a big deal out of nothing…in any case, it was a fun night and I’m glad I got off my duff and onto a stage. I don’t usually schlep out the Fredericksburg, especially with a tank of gas costing about as much as an XBox. Luckily, I was able to offset the cost with poker money.
The night before, I made my way up to Fredneck, MD for my buddy Steve’s 30th b-day bbq. A keg was kicked. Many racks of ribs were consumed. I ate more pork than Kermit the Frog (hey-oooooooooooo). As the night wore on, a bunch of us sat down to a seven handed game of Texas Hold ‘Em. I won’t bore you with the details (completely going against the blog’s sole purpose), but I won.

I wish that money wasn’t needed for necessities like gas, food, or hookers, because I could use some DVD money. One of my favorite TV shows from my youth is out on DVD…The Incredible Hulk. When I was 5, I was all about turning green and kicking imaginary ass. I had the inflatable Hulk muscles that you wore under your t-shirt and pumped up to rip through it.

Purple pants not included.

In the last installment, I gave you a glimpse of the Muay Thai dynamo, Tony Jaa. Turns out, the movie I saw the preview for was released in Thailand in 2005. So, thanks to Amazon.com, I have the import DVD in my hot little hands. Let me tell you, it is seven kinds of amazing. Better yet, I’ll show you…

Not since The Bride turned the Crazy 88 into fresh sashimi with her Hanzo sword in Kill Bill Vol. 1 have I seen such a brutal ballet. Check this movie out. It’s called Tom Yum Goong. A wholesome story about a boy and his elephant…I shit you not.

Your next comedy homework assignment is due Tuesday night. Go check out the free showcase at Nanny O’Briens. Zach Toczynski, Brandon Ivey, Jeff Maurer, Larry Poon, and yours truly are on the bill. Hopefully, I can make up for the Saturday night debacle. We thank you for your support.

To be continued…

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