Save The Blog Reader, Save The World…

Maybe that’ll help increase ratings. For as good a show as Heroes is, that whole Save the Cheerleader thing is cornier than Orville Reddenbacher’s will reading. Just sayin’. Hey there ‘Redheads… This week’s installment is going to be chock full of random goodness.

You’ll remember that last time I told you I was the the uncle of a nameless new nephew. Well, as of Wednesday, I’m happy to report that the little ball of cute was dubbed Moshe…I’ll be calling him Mo. I mentioned before that the ceremony took place at a kosher diner. A bris & breakfast. I felt bad for the little guy…he thought he was going for pancakes. He was incredibly well behaved, considering what was being done. A few of the adults cried more than he did. Care to see another of what will be a series of adorable pictures? I knew you did…

Don’t stare directly at the cute, lest ye be overcome…

On Friday, I went to audition for some sort of talk show in Baltimore. Details were spotty at best, but they were looking for funny folk to potentially host, and I was one of the many that answered the call. There was a mix of actors and comics who came out for this thing. I ran into two of my favorite characters, comedy dynamo, Justin Schlegel and human cartoon, Jan Johns. To hear these two talk is like shoving peyote buttons in your ears. Both of ’em have their switches stuck in the “on” position. I did my best to contribute to the conversation, but it was like drinking a mint chocolate chip milkshake…delicious, yes, but I was the chip that got jammed in the straw. There was also no shortage of hot actresses. One gal, who’s name unfortunately escapes me, had the biggest, bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I needed water-wings to peer into her peepers. Bay windows to her soul, they were. Anyway, the audition ended up being about two minutes of stand-up in front of three guys and a camera, then a small improved scene. They laughed at me, so I think things went well…I’m keeping the expectations nice and low. Feel free to send any positive mojo my way.

Here’s a curious news nugget I spotted in the Sports section of last Thursday’s USA Today
The scene that unfolded following this year’s U.S. Open women’s final was classic tennis theater of the absurd. As 19-year-old Russian star Maria Sharapova slugged her way to the title, television cameras caught members of her camp holding up a banana and flashing four fingers from the stands – possible evidence of coaching, which is illegal in tennis. She was later seen eating a banana at courtside. Sharapova later deflected questions about the fruit by declaring, “I believe at the end of the day, my life is not about a banana.”
Are they sure that that was a member of her camp? I ask you, what guy doesn’t want to watch Maria Sharapova eat a banana? I’m just saying, I’m sure there was another lonely putz, on the other side of the stadium, coaching her to eat a foot-long hot dog, then squeeze mustard on her chest.

The following is a presentation from the world of Dork. If that’s not your particular brand of vodka, you may want to just skip down to the next bit. For the rest of you, put down the 20-sided dice and check this out. I’m not usually a huge fan of homemade Star Wars films, but this one is pretty damn sweet.

See what a Star Wars project looks like with a little fun injected into it? Take notes, Lucas. Your prequels were as joyless as Condoleeza Rice attending a puppy’s funeral…with droids. Ok, I’m done. I just think that a couple franchises would do well in the hands of well meaning fans with the technical know-how. I submit Exhibit B…

We wrap up this week’s installment on a somber note, as we lost a film icon over the weekend. Sadly, Jack Palance is now doing one-armed push-ups at the Oscars in the sky (I hear Passion of the Christ swept…again). He was 87. Most people thought he was closer to 97…or dead five years already. He’s the second member of the cast of City Slickers to die in the last few months. Someone check on Daniel Stern. Mr. Palance, you…were our #1…guy (extra credit if you got that reference).

To be continued…

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