Wishin’ Well

Hey there ‘Redheads… Happy National Chili Day to one and all. For those of you who get to this installment on the 23rd, Happy National Violent Indigestion Day. Let’s keep the well wishes a comin’…thanks to all of you who took the time to take a look around the premises that I put in the last installment. I got alot of positive and constructive feedback. The consensus favorite was the dictionary joke. Now, writing this tripe is one thing. Making it work on stage is quite another. I gave my first stab at the new material at Wiseacre’s the other night, in front of an audience that was only slightly plural. My delivery was jittery and I was too unfamiliar with the verbage to confidently sell it right. All things in time. If you’d like to see me blindly wave a stick at the comedy pinata, I’ll be at Ned Devine’s on Friday night and the Laughing Lizard on Saturday. May the sweet sweet candy of laughter rain down.
I’d also like to wish a bon voyage to Rory Scovel, who’s making the move to NYC and will, no doubt, find immediate work in show business…as Owen Wilson’s stunt double. As a last hurrah, the DC comedy community descended upon Kokopolis in Adams Morgan last Friday for all manner of libation, conversation, and congratulation. I was very ready for the first of those after spending nearly 45 minutes trying to find parking in the frozen downtown tundra. Kokopolis is a pretty mellow little hangout, complete with comfy couches, pool tables, and plenty of suds on tap. I got roped into a tag-team billiard match up with fellow Jewish comic, Leo Goodman to take on Andy Haynes and Jeff Maurer. You’d think with two Jews, we’d be familiar with the color of money, but we displayed the hand/eye coordination of Joe Cocker in the throes of a grand mal seizure. Blind luck and coincidental collision are what sunk most of our shots. Speaking of shots, many of those were sunk down many a comic’s gullet…it was a drunk drunk night. After the party broke up, I joined Jon and Amy Mumma for a trip to Jumbo Slice to soak up some of the evening’s liquid cheer. I can’t account for the taste, but Jon and I ripped through our respective slices like Takeru Kobayashi trying to defend his shit-on-a-shingle title. Make sure to look for Rory on an upcoming episode of Comedy Central’s Live At Gotham. Meanwhile, I’ll be doing the robot in front of the Best Buy security camera…look for that too.

And now, the news… Our top story tonight, Anna Nicole Smith is still dead. Here’s something that’s more than a little disturbing…did you know they still haven’t buried James Brown? He died on Christmas Day. That would be roughly two months ago. They had to expedite the hearings for custody of Anna Nicole because of her rapid decomposition and she died last week. James Brown has got to be funky, but this is ridiculous.
Here’s one last item that caught my eye…

WASHINGTON (Feb. 21) – Drugs prescribed to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder will include guides to alert patients and parents of the risks of mental and heart problems, including sudden death.

Now, I’m not a doctor but, it’s my understanding that when a possible side effect of a drug is death, IT CEASES TO BE MEDICATION. Slap a Mr. Yuck sticker on it and keep it away from the children. Are these the lengths we’ll go to in order to ignore the lure of shiny objects? “Geez doc, Johnny seems to have gone limp.” “Yes, but he slumped over on his geometry homework.” The article continues…

The alerts also cover psychiatric problems, such as hearing voices, unfounded suspicions and manic behavior, of which there is a slightly increased risk in patients who take the drugs, the FDA said.

Hearing voices. Unfounded suspicions. That’s exactly what we need in kids that lose focus easily. Y’know, given my druthers, I think I’d rather be distracted by SHIT I CAN SEE. And nothing quite like a paranoid delusion to keep junior in his room with his nose to the grindstone. If you’re not careful, this’ll end up being his next book report…

Only two weeks left for you to get your tickets for the first ever local stand-up showcase at the DC Improv Comedy Lounge. Jon Mumma, Danny Rouhier, and your favorite amiable zany in an intimate setting. Doesn’t get much hotter. March 11th. Click here. Be there.

To be continued…

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