Hey there ‘Redheads… We’re only one installment away from the arbitrary milestone of 100 blogs. I’ve had a few of those recently…5000 hits, the one year mark, most grammatical errors, all of which have just been convenient excuses to fill this space with recycled content. Rest assured, the 100th installment will have…more conveniently recycled content than those. Only the best for you, my throng of fan (I leave off the “s” for…well, for accuracy *sigh*). In the meantime, let’s get on with 99.
So, for the first time ever, I’m bummed that I don’t live in New Jersey or Georgia. Sadly, my fortune cookie numbers failed to hit the $370 million lottery. These things have got to hit at some point. With fortunes like: “You will be fortunate in everything”, “There are coincidences”, and “God will give you everything you want”, how can I lose (I shit you not, these are actual fortunes I’ve gotten)? Perhaps things will turn around for me next year, the Year of the Jew. In order to increase my chances for the next big jackpot, I’m gonna move to Wisconsin and get a job at a meat recycling plant. I’m also going to age myself about 50 years and take up fishing. I had plans for that money. Actually, my plans didn’t extend much past answering the question about my plans for the money…two words: nuclear program. Oh well, so much for financial planning.
I saw a very cool movie over the weekend. Do yourself a favor and check out Black Snake Moan. Easily the better of the two Samuel L. Jackson snake movies. This is his best take-no-shit-bad-ass performance since Pulp Fiction. He plays a lovelorn southern farmer who finds Christina Ricci’s nubile nymphomaniac unconscious on the side of a dirt road and, in an attempt to keep her from further depraving herself, chains her to his radiator. Let the healing begin. This movie is equal parts engaging, disturbing, and darkly comic. And is not ruined by Justin Timberlake. If there’s any justice, we’ll see Mr. Jackson on stage at the Oscars, performing nominee for Best Song, “Bucket of Blood”.
Speaking of Sam Jackson, he’s probably the most prolific actor of our generation. He’s in everything. Without consulting IMDB (you’re gonna have to trust me on this one), here’s 10 off the top of my head, not including the 3 mentioned above:
Deep Blue Sea
Die Hard With a Vengeance
The 3 shitty Star Wars prequels
He’s also got small parts in Coming to America, Sea of Love, and Goodfellas. I’m thinking it’s time to put Kevin Bacon out to pasture and bring the 6 Motherfuckin’ Degrees of Samuel L. Jackson (patent pending) into the pop culture landscape. Feel free to play at home.
On Sunday, join your favorite amiable zany and fellow local funnymen, Jon Mumma and Danny Rouhier for the first ever stand-up showcase at the freshly birthed DC Improv Comedy Lounge. We’ll each be doing 30 minutes of our own brands of hilarity in an intimate atmosphere. So, come laugh at us up close for a mere $10. Click here. Be there.
To be continued…