Running Lapse

Hey there ‘Redheads… As per usual, I started off this month with the best of blogging intentions, but apparently I couldn’t procrastinate more if I had a flux capacitor. It can’t be helped. It’s who I am… It’s what I do…eventually. Let’s not focus on the moments that’ve been frittered away. Let’s live in the now. At least momentarily, until I start telling you about the crap that happened during this most recent lapse.

The holiday season has descended upon us again. Here’s a holiday fun fact: Going to the grocery store for incidentals the week of Thanksgiving is the worst idea in the long sad history of bad ideas. Glaciers move faster than the checkout line I got stuck in. The lady at the front of the line was paying in food stamps. Behind her was a lady who was paying by check, then asked for cash back. I half expected the next person in line to make the transaction in wampum. I don’t mind wasting time, but when it’s being leeched from me, that’s when I get ornery. In the spirit of the impending Turkey Day, I offer a cornycopia of mild amusement. Giblets, at least.

This is one of my favorite times of the year for sports, when pro football and college basketball overlap. Unfortunately, this give my teams twice as many chances to stick a fork in my heart and twist. I just turned off the TV in disgust as the Terps got done making Cincinnati look like the alien team from Space Jam. We’re all crust and no cheese to stop up the middle. It’s early in the season, but this was our first test and we overslept. And, this just in, the Redskins still suck. They are to sucking what I am to procrastinating. It’s a gift. Light cannot escape them. It doesn’t help that their injury report is getting thick enough for Dan Snyder to use as a booster seat. Here’s a video from the ‘Skins sideline during the Cowboys game…

Last night, I had the weirdest dream. I was a contestant on Project Runway, and the challenge was to make an outfit out of Legos. Should it bother me that my dreams are about reality shows? I’m hoping tonight I can get on Top Chef and show off my mad George Foreman skills. Speaking of Top Chef, I got a medium rare opportunity to dine on some four star quality grub cooked by one of the final four cheftestants. If you find yourself in Frederick, MD, do yourself a favor and treat your taste buds to Chef Bryan Voltaggio’s restaurant, Volt. I was auditioning for the show Top Boyfriend and took my funny little honey there for her birthday. It was, top to bottom, one of the best meals I’ve ever had. I would’ve happily walked the green mile after dessert. If you’re a fan of Top Chef, then you have some idea of the intricacy that goes into preparing each course. This is not the kind of dining experience where you ask them to put the sauces on the side or leave something off the plate. Place your trust in the chef and let him guide you through a gastric wonderland. Then pack your knives and go.

Here’s a new bit of eye candy for you to suck on. When is comes to Muppets, I’m an old school guy. Not much, since Jim Henson left us, has captured the madcap glee of the past. This made me smile…

Before I sign off and prepare for my food coma, I need to congratulate my good friends, Chris and Allyson, on their engagement…and you know it’s real commitment when it gets posted on Facebook. Way to go, you crazy kids.

Happy Turkey Day, ‘Redheads… To gluttony! And to be continued…

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