Tuesday News Day

Hey there, ‘Redheads… After I got done with yesterday’s blog, I realized that I had neglected worldwide goings on in favor of a comedian’s hair. So, let’s broaden our scope and take a look at the news of the day. Like the ruckus in Egypt…Wait a minute. FOX News might need to fire a staff cartographer. To be fair, at least the map doesn’t have “BAD PEOPLE” scrawled on it in red crayon. Isn’t Egypt part of Africa? I have to admit that I don’t know where Egypt is either, but I’m not a major news organization. Ah, here it is…Good thing Egypt can’t be offended by the mix up, because the government TURNED OFF THE INTERNET. I’m not sure what effect that would have on us. We’d either take to the streets with a pitchfork app or we’d somehow adapt by learning to spell “LOL” with smoke signals. Two things regarding the decision to shut down the internet. First, where is the giant OFF switch located, and do Mark Zuckerburg and Al Gore have turn a key simultaneously? Second, I think shutting it down would have the same effect that Mr. Burns taking away beer and TV had in that parody of The Shining on The Simpsons. No porn and no email make Egypt something something. Apparently, this uprising was organized through Facebook. I’d like to see that event invitation. I can’t get five people to show up to a free comedy show. Now that I’m taking a closer look at the map, you’d think the people in Karnak would’ve seen this coming (anyone?). And they should’ve thought something was fishy in Tuna El Gabai (c’mon, people). There’s been widespread looting and they even ransacked the tomb of King Tut. Steve Martin will be releasing a statement shortly. If there’s one thing that will quell a revolution, I’ve got to believe it’ll be a mummy curse. Now, the big concern is whether this will affect our gas prices. That’s what I love about this country. A nation is in complete political upheaval, and we find a way to make it all about us.

See you Wednesday…

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