Yelling "THEATRE!!" In A Crowded Fire Hall…

Just got back from The Ugly Mug, a nice little pub in DC, watching the first 3 quarters of Monday Night Football with fellow DC Standup All-Star, Chris White. Chris is a true Eagles fan. When I say “true” I mean he is driven, not by a love of the Eagles, but by an abject hatred of anything non-Eagle. He bleeds green and white…and as I write this, he just got his heart ripped out Temple Of Doom-style by a 4th quarter interception return for a touchdown. Take away his green & white shoelaces and his belt with the “Cowboys SUCK” buckle…for his own good.

On to the weekend recap… On Saturday night I had a show. It was pretty cool. More later (check out Ryan Conner’s blog, conveniently linked on your right, to learn more about why that statement is witty and ironic…calling back to another comic’s blog and whatnot).

On to the real weekend recap… Did a pair of shows on Saturday night in fabulous Hammonton and Tabernacle, New Jersey. Two places at once, Jared? When did you become the master of space and time?

Both fine questions…I’ll explain. One show started @ 8:30, the next show, 20 miles up the road, started @ 9:30. So, after each comic finished his set, he left for the next show. Should run like clockwork. Well, the first show went fine…no superlatives…nothing to shout about… I got done with my feature set and hopped in my car and headed to the next show. I got there around 9:40. As I approached the front door of the fire hall, I could see through the windows that the show hadn’t started yet. No big deal. No comedy show ever starts on time. I walk in and am greeted by a squat, surly gentleman who informs me that the MC got lost and went 40 miles out of the way…and I’m on in two minutes. Ok, so not only do I have to stretch my set for an undetermined amount of time, but I’m going on cold…once AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds” is done (dirt cheap, I might add), it’s comedy time for a packed house of booze-loosened folk. These are the gigs that test comics’ souls. These situations are either amazing or a complete abortion…no middle ground. Luckily, I was able to harness my newfound anxiety into an amped energy level that helped grab the crowd’s attention. I did 40+ minutes and CRUSHED…I know…who cares…but I rarely toot my own horn…humor me. A potentially crappy situation turned into a great show, and I was the launching pad for it. That warms my cockels.

Hey, speaking of mastery of space and time (before the cockel warming), on the walk back to the metro, my dork side came up with a great idea for a superhero/superpower. Feel free to skip to the bottom if this is too much geekage for your taste…I just want to get this written down.
Ok, the guy’s name is Newton. His special power: to create localized gravitational fields, allowing him to control gravity’s pull on a person or object…making things “fall” in any direction he wants. This also grants him a reckless form of pseudo-flight. He can’t overdo it in any one spot, however, because he could tear a hole in the Earth’s gravitational field…causing a black hole.
I’d be his loyal companion, DORK BOY
This is no longer a blog…it’s a cry for help.

Come see me, Sean Gabbert, and Ryan Conner at the Wiseacre’s Showcase this Thursday @ 8pm. A measly $6 for 6 fine funny fellows. Support live comedy…and the resultant blogs.

R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero…who climbed the top rope in the sky yesterday morning. The afterlife’s gonna have a killer pay-per-view.

To be continued…

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